Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Sorry to hear that. You sound like all you’ve done is be supportive. Just try and find ways to focus on yourself. At least if he does come back you will be stronger. Cocaine changes everything about a person. It makes them loose their values and spiral out of control when they become addicted. It’s sad to see and be a part of. Try and find a support group for families of addiction. It might help see that other people have similar stories.
Hi Lottier,
We try and do the best out of our love for them. They don’t want to or can’t do it for themselves. But in putting all our efforts into them we loose ourselves. I started to detach after having my son. I started watching his actions more and more. I started to call him out on his behaviour’s . It has just made me want the old him back more. I will always love him but i don’t like the person he is when he is either taking drugs or on a come down. I am keeping a diary. He messages to say he misses me and I crumble. I forget about all the hurt and caous he has caused me. But if he really missed us he would be here or getting help to allow him to be here. It is lonely doing it all alone. It’s horrible seeing what life should be like!! Watching your friends and family having supportive partners, you deserve the same. I am starting to ask myself what he actually brought to the relationship?! He would come and try and be a dad. He couldn’t do it and leave again. My children deserve a better version of their dad. Sometimes it’s better to detach and trust that everything will work out as intended. Even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. You and your daughter deserve to be happy. His mask will slip eventually, deep down he is probably not as happy as he is making out. Keep messaging on here because it helps you xx
I am in a similar position. I have been with my partner for 8 and a half years. I have been cheated on and lied to. I barely recognise the person he has become. He doesn’t answer the phone anymore to me. He is embarrassed about the situation and is saying he is getting help but i don’t think he is ready yet. We have 2 kids together and he has his own flat. After my son was born he went out and didn’t come back for a week. I kicked him out and he could tell i had enough. While we were reconciling he cheated…the person had a baby and kept it a secret. She told him at Christmas and now we’re all in turmoil again. He took the news quite badly and went on another downward spiral. I think the most important thing is to try and set boundaries as you are doing and stay strong. It is such a bumpy road. You have to look after yourself along the way. I have started to see how hard it is to detach from a person that you love so much. They can only make the decision to change for themselves. I message him to let him know we are here. I can see he is unable to stop. I have lost myself along the way. Last year he was at his worst. I’ve never felt so destroyed. Its the first time he has admitted he has a problem with addiction but i am a mess. His family think he just doesn’t love me anymore and thats all thats wrong. They bail him out, help him out and give him all the money in the world. He answers there calls still. He is very charming and always the life and soul of the party. Cocaine is a rubbish drug!! But someone told me that we are just beautiful people trying to help them. Don’t loose sight of your beauty and stay true to yourself!!
sorry for the long message. Xx
Cocaine is a horrible drug. My partner of 8 and a half years had been taking cocaine!! He was depressed and on anti-depressants. He has lied, cheated, disappeared for days on end. I have always been supportive. But now i know the truth about the effects of cocaine. It makes them selfish, withdrawn, and eventually they loose themselves. You may try and save them, make everything better for them for a while. They can only help themselves be better. I have lost myself along the way. You become so consumed with making it better for them that you stop concentrating on you. Write down the pro’s and con’s of the relationship. Think about what he does for you and what you do for him. Is it balanced? Only you can decide what your future looks like. I wish you all the best.