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Hello Everyone, I haven’t signed into this forum for a while and just wanted to say welcome to the newcomers and for sharing their stories and pain. So much of the contents of your stories are familiar to me. I am estranged from my addict son after years of enabling and being scared to let go in fear of the consequences. My experiences include prison/child protection proceeings/restraining orders due to behaviours associated with addiction so I am in tune with your shared experiences. The pain remains with me and is a permanent source of heartache. I sometimes wonder if I hadn’t enabled for so long (paying baliffs/rent arrears/doing laundry/buying food as I didn’t want him to be hungry) that there may have been an earlier opportunity for him to change. As the situation stands now, he is living away from his children and that really hurts as I am sure you will understand. Anyway, please, please take care of yourselves and set boundaries as so many others have advised. I fully appreciate how difficult it is to do this when there is associated behaviours.
I continue to have hope but I am looking after myself now . Please take care and seek strength from this forum where you can (as I have and continue to do).
Welcome to this forum Pambler and thank you for sharing your honest thoughts.
Kate1, I cannot find any words to acknowledge how you provide support and strength to this forum, despite the indescribable pain of losing your son to suicide. What can I say that would ever make it easier for you?
I gain strength for all on this forum and hope that it offers some peace to others too. There are similar themes and experiences running through all our stories.
I have been feeling particularly sad recently and need to reboot myself to get in a gear that gives me a peaceful state of mind. Something to minimise the emotional rollercoaster of it all; love/hate/despair/sadness/regret/hopelessness to name afew. I must go now. Love, peace and hope to us all.
Bump22; 3 months and Lindyloo a whole year; this is truly fantastic news and a beacon of hope. Thank you for sharing.
Penny M, thank you for sharing your story; my own experiences and thoughts are reflected in yours as applies to many others.
Sad day for me today due to an event (details withheld) that epitomises the sadness and consequences of my son’s addiction. They say that as a parent, you are only ever as happy as your least happy child. I am sure that many of you can relate to that. Even with all the pain and heartache that has been caused by the addict, we continue to love them (hating them too, the other side of love). Enough said, continue to take care of yourselves. In times of extreme turmoil, I attempt a strategy where I ‘park’ the horrible turbulent, toxic experiences onto a shelf locked away at the back of my mind with varying levels of ‘success’. As we know, for those who are unaffected by the nightmare consequences of addiction, our experiences are a different world away. Thank you for the support of this forum.
Joanie 59 and Bump 22 and everyone else. Good to hear from you.
Bump 22, don’t beat yourself up about confiding in someone who you perceived as a friend at the school gates. Confiding in someone always involves a risk and experience has taught me that there are are truly kind people out there too, Your school gate mums’ behaviours says alot about them and as hard as it is, you need to detach and take care of yourself. Young children are very adaptable and will make friends wherever they go (parks etc). Please try not to dwell too much on this. I continue to seek solace from my ‘higher power’, a coping strategy. I am also involved in my son’s childrens lives which brings me joy.
Yes, the shared experiences of us all unite us; all similar stories and emotions.
I hope you gain some solace from the nightmare of it all through this forum.
Take care of yourselves
Welcome to this forum Penny M and thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. There is a thread on this forum under ‘ Theresa ‘ where mothers of children share their stories and seek solace and support from each other. Your experiences will ring through to many, myself included. As easy as it is for me to say, please take care of yourself. The nightmare of addiction and the consequences for all involved are difficult for people who haven’t had that experience, to understand.
Welcome to this forum
Hi Everyone and an especially warm welcome to the recent joiners to this forum where comfort and support can be obtained from each other in the nightmare of addiction and all the horrors that includes. The questions re what to do to continue enabling; ie buying , giving money, paying bailiffs, getting out loans, paying off thousands in backdated rent??? I have been there and done it and it made no difference in the longer term. I desperately wanted my son to not be on the streets and have food and warmth, something that you will all understand. There are no easy answers and no one solution to all. The nightmare of my son’s addiction has meant prison, restraining orders, child protection meetings and he has lost the opportunity to be an integral part of his children’s lives. As his mother, that hurts to the core. I made a decision to cut my son out of my life in the hope that that might help him address the problems and that was after decades of living with the horrors of addiction. Part of me regrets not doing this sooner; would that have prevented the current situation re being apart from his children which I know breaks his heart? As so many of us have said, there are no easy answers . It is so important to take care of ourselves. My son’s addiction was destroying me and I live with the permanent sadness of it all. But what to do? Carry on and take care of ourselves. I send love and hope to you all
Hello Everyone, I haven’t signed in for a while but have read your stories and experiences that ring so true to me. Some of you will know that I am estranged from my son after several years of torment and pain caused by addiction. I gain support from being part of this forum and am pleased that others too. As we all know, only those who are caught up in the true horror of addiction
and it’s consequences can truly appreciate the nightmare of it all. I can empathise with so many of your experiences. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you all. Best wishes, love, hope and strength
Hello Everyone. Yes, so easy to lose yourself and become ground down with the enormity of it all and the consequences to all. Constant worry/fear/hope/terror/sadness/despair amongst many other emotions. I have been feeling very low recently; going to bed with it all on my mind and waking up with it also. Permanently engraved in my life and no way out. All so sad for so many people. Joanie, you ask where have you gone? You are in there and need to take care of yourself. I agree with the suggestion of finding a hairdresser; that would be something for yourself. Everyone on this forum, please take care of yourselves as much as you can. Looking back on my situation, I am aware that I enabled my son for far too long but I wasn’t strong enough to stop doing that. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I sometimes wonder if I had stopped enabling years ago that things wouldn’t have got as bad as they did. I have shared the horrible, painful details previously. I send peace and hope to you all.
Hello to all on this forum and especially to the newcomers who gain support from sharing of familiar pain and disruption that only those affected by addiction will truly understand. Kate 1, despite the total nightmare of your son dying, you are still offering support and comfort to those on this forum; ‘thank you’ doesn’t seem enough. Truly humbling.
Yes, our rollercoaster experiences of sadness, fear, pain, desperation and hope amongst many other emotions are shared by us all. Our loved ones are at varying stages at different times. What to say or do except to take care of ourselves as much as we can. The circumstances and consequences of my son’s addiction are permanently with me and my heart breaks with it all. I look forward to sleeping as that is the only escapism from it all. All so terribly sad. Please take care of yourselves and thank you for sharing. Love and hope to you all
Great to hear that the situation is promising for your son right now Lindyloo. As you say, it is very important to stay positive. The permanent misery and fear and heartache associated with my son’s addiction was ultimately destroying me and I was a shell of a human being. I somehow found the strength(unsure if that is the most appropriate word) to say goodbye although my heart remains permanently seeped in sadness and despair . When my son was in my life, I was being abused and my actions were enabling him. I was hoping and praying that the decision to say goodbye would provide an opportunity for him to address the nightmare consequences of his addiction but recent information that I have indirectly received strongly suggests that hasn’t happened. I had made clear to my son that the door was open to be in my life again if he addressed his addiction. Truly horrible things were happening that left me permanently scared and living on the edge. WE are talking over 2 decades here. I go to bed with it stirring in my mind and I wake up with the same feelings. Truly horrible but I need to take care of myself. Like many others on this forum, I look at all the things I may or may not have done to cause the situation. What to say or do??? To all the people who have shared their anguish and pain on this forum, please take care of yourselves. Be kind to yourselves also. Moment by moment. Peace to you all when you are able to grab it
My heart goes out to you. I have had several similar experiences when I was scared to be at home. After several years of abuse and feeling scared, I had to find the strength to say goodbye although that remains a permanent wound in my heart. There are no easy answers. I sometimes think that if I had been less enabling previously that the situation wouldn’t have got to where I am today but who knows? My son is away from his children and that really hurts. I am home alone tonight after some tension between me and my partner due to matters indirectly related. So sadness all around. I apologise for always seeming so negative but this is the only place where I can be truly honest. I will pour myself a glass of something and go to bed. Sleep is my escape from the pain of it all. I send hope and peace to you all
Hi, I’m glad that Christmas has offered some hope and ok’ish times for some. It has enabled more thoughts of sadness and despair to occupy my mind. I am looking forward for it all to be over. I apologise if this sounds negative but my heart is permanently wounded from the sadness and despair of it all. Spending time with family members who are leading ‘normal’ lives only serves to epitomise where it has all gong wrong with my son. I am revisiting strategies to compartmentalise the sadness of it all to allow me to continue with some quality of life. I accept that this is something that will always be present in my life. I send peace and hope to you all and for those with addictions
Hi Everyone, I send peace, hope and love to you all. Details spared of our nightmare journeys and experiences at this time. For those whose recent moments and experiences have been ok, I am truly pleased.
Thank you all for your heartfelt stories which I can truly empathise with. I send peace and strength to you all and this forum offers me a source of comfort to be able to link in with people who can share the emotional rollercoaster of the hell of addiction and the consequences. Sleep is my only escape from it all and even then, I wake in the night with it stirring in my mind. Take care of yourselves as much as you are hell and to. I hope and pray for our sons/other family members with addictions. I don’t like Christmas. Somehow it epitomises the hell and unfairness of it all. Enough said, take care
Hi Everyone, thank you for your shared experiences, reduces the feelings of isolation . I am working hard at managing my emotions. Sadness, hopelessness and desperation ; emotions that are integrated into my life.
The story of Lindyloo’s son is a ray of hope.
I just feel so desperately sad and am aware that this is never going away. The sadness of my son not being part of his children’s lives is a permanent wound in my heart and a constant reminder of the hell of it all.
Christmas magnifies it all as many of you will understand. Happy family scenarios played out everywhere when my/our lives are falling apart with the nightmare of it all. I need to share my desperation and sadness here .
I hope you have a peaceful day