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Hello Lindyloo, Bump 22, Theresa and everyone else on this thread. Bump22, I hope you are improving with your lond covid. I hope that our coming out of lockdown will make us all feel a bit brighter. I hope your sons (and those with other family members affected by the nightmare of addiction) are being supported in some way to help us see that there is hope. I need to adopt that strategy to give me strength to carry on. I saw my son very briefly yesterday when he met his children at a train station. Stirred up mixed emotions but I know how happy he will have been to see his children and that momentarily warms my heart. I continue to hope and pray. Reading people’s stories on the Adfam page is heartwrenching but I and we must all remember that we are not alone. Going shopping now for dinner. Hope and peace to us all
Hello again Everyone on this thread who has shared the rollercoaster of emotions associated with their son’s/other family members addictions and all the nightmares associated with it. I hope you all have moments of peace. My mind is always in turmoil with the effects of my son’s alcohol addiction. Mother’s day today and I received a card from him. I hope that you were all able to enjoy part of the day. Please continue to take care of yourselves. In my worst moments, I feel that death is the only time that I will be free of the turmoil that I feel. Moment by moment. We need to continue to have hope. Good Night all
Good evening Catsmum and everyone else who has shared on this thread. Yes, very painful stories of hopelessness and despair and overwhelming sadness. My own story echoes all of those as well and I hope that we gain some support through this forum. Impossible for people to comprehend the catastrophic effects of our sons’ addictions on our lives if they haven’t had a similar experience. No easy answers but I continue to hope and pray. As several people have said to me and what others have posted on this thread, is the absolute importance of taking care of yourself. My heart bleeds for my son and we must never give up hope. Good night and take care everyone.
Hello Everyone, so good to hear that Lindyloo’s son is doing well right now. Such a relief and offers hope to all. Bump22, I can identify with your recently described experiences and the hopelessness and helplessness of it all. I truly hope and pray that things get better. Thank you for your kind words Jem. Going out for some fresh air soon. I send hope and peace to you all
Hello Everyone, as hard as it is, I am gaining support from your shared stories. We live in hope and I can truly identify with your experiences. I truly hope that things get better for the addict in our family and ourselves. Being estranged from my son is truly horrible but after years of horrific behaviour and experiences, I felt that I was going mad, constantly on a cliff edge and a permanent panic attack. Constantly thinking, is he hungry or dirty on the streets and my heart bleeds with it all. I travel into central London for work and pass several homeless people which brings matters to the surface. Then I arrive at work and put on my mask that all is OK. If only people knew what was really going on. My heart bleeds for the son I gave birth to and I hope and pray that he comes back but I am realistic too. I am in regular contact with his children whom I adore . He cannot visit them due to the consequences of his behaviour/addiction and I know that is a great source of pain for him. You know the saying that as a mother, you are only as happy as your least happy child. So like many of you, there is a permanent heartache. I hope that the situation gets better for you all. Moment by moment and one bit at a time. Night
Thank you Lindyloo for your welcome and thank you all for sharing your stories. Yes, it offers a crumb of comfort that so many other mums can identify with the the pain and associated turmoil of their sons (and daughters ) addictions. It is impossible for people who have never had such experiences to understand the catastrophic effects of it on so many lives. We continue to live in hope whilst doing our best to take care of ourselves
Dear Murphygirl, I am very sorry for your loss and the terrible pain and rollercoaster of emotions that you have experienced re your expartner being found dead, This is a tragedy and is heartbreaking . Your last correspondence contained not nice communication and that is preying on your mind. It is important to remember that you only use this type of communication with someone when you have feelings for them (not always positive but they say that love and hate are closely related). You were together for ten years which is a long time. Your description of you thinking that you should have hang on in there with him to help him is something that many people in your situation might feel compounds your guilt. I also know that most people will realise that sometimes the only way out is to leave and say goodbye. Staying with an addict in the hope that it will help them recover whilst the situation is slowly destroying you does little to support the addict. I am very sorry for your loss. Please take some comfort from this response and the others also. The love and shared experiences you shared will never go away. My own personal experience enables me to empathise with some of the rollercoaster of emotions that you are feeling. Please take care and seek comfort from the communication with your ex partner’s brother
Hello Theresa, thank you for sharing your story and all the rollercoaster of emotions that are associated with the situation. I can empathise with your feelings of being his mum and the horror of uncertainty if you knew he hadn’t anywhere to stay. I have had similar experiences myself and was living in a constant state of fear and panic and worry. There is no magic wand and after several years, I found the strength to say goodbye although that remains a permanent wound also. It is vital that you take care of yourself, this situation engulfs your whole life and ultimately destroys you. It is amazing that some addicts recover and that is always a ray of hope. There is also the chance that by constantly supporting and sorting things out is actually enabling the person to continue with their addictions. I don’t have a magic answer. I hope it offers some source of comfort to know that you are not alone in your experiences.