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Hi James
So sorry to hear yo have been having struggles recently , i hope ypu are well , I used to read your posts im sure.
I feel like i need to get things of my chest and have decided to come back on here , as i dont know where to turn really so i apologise for this long message 🙁
So i came on here about 5 years ago with the same issue my partner was getting bad on cocaine he had been on it for years , i decided to stay but we split up on the 1st of Jan this year after i found out he had been cheating on me with a 22 year old girl who has two young childresn hes 40 , our relationship broke down because of the cocaine use was completely out of control to the point i made him stay on the sofa as he would just sit up all night scrolling and gambling his money , i had known him 14 years we went through some good times where he would stop for a few months went on nice holidays and he was such a lovely person at times but with the amount he was drinking and taking cocaine it was unbearable in the end he would go to the local pub and just not come home sometimes. When i found about the girl i was totally shocked since we spit on a few occaions he turned up at my home when he was drunk out of his nut first occasion he come saying he didnt know what he was doing hes so messed up trying to kiss and cuddle me and then got angry and said urrgggh you threw me out and he left when i followed him he went back to girls house who had been cheating with this really messed with my head , he then came back on two more occaions one with a hammer thinking i had another man in my home came in and tried to tell me he wasnt with this girl but he clearly was , he got in my bed refused to leave in the morning he smashed my whole home up neighbours got involved and called the police , he was put on bail for a month so we had no contact for a whole month and i was doing just fine. But after that his friend said that he had my phone and wanted to give it back so i messaged saying someone else could collect it and left it like that , he then asked if i would go away with him for the weekend so i sent the messages straight to the new girl he is seeing. He got angry about this and kicked of , he then started to come into the pub and would send me over drinks and try and pass me money under the trable and ask to walk me home i stupidly made a drunk mistake one night and went home with him. He said he loved me but i had trown him out didnt give him any attention and made him sleep on the sofa – which i did but because of his addictions , time went on and he became reall;y nasty saying horrible things he was thinking that i was seeing someone from the pub got paranoid even though i wasnt and he was that one that had cheated with this girl and still with her but told all the blokes that he wasnt with her so messed up. I ended up messaging the girl saying he had been with me and going in the pub giving me money buying me drinks giving me lifts home and she went on to say he had broken her fingers and dragged her out of the bed and threw wine over her while her child was laying next to her accusing her and going through her phone. He got so so angry because i spoke to the girl that he took drugs and drink all weekend come to my home at 3am saying i was in my flat with someone he made me video call him for me to show him round my flat but he still thought someone was there , he slashed my tyres on the car , the next day he was looking round all the pubs for me thinking i was with someone accused some bloke in the pub compleatley showed himself up walking around with something strapped to his hand. After all that he ended back up seeing this girl and has told everyone he has compleatley come off all drugs drink and even stopped smoking its been 2 weeks since this happened i havent heard any more since.
But basically i just cant beleive this has all gone on and just want to know is this normal for coke users to do this i wonder did he really want this girl or did he line her up because i told him he needed to find somewhere else because of the drugs its compleatley wrecked my mind, and would he be able to come off everything on his own like that i know its never lasted in the 14 years ive known him. He has shown me up to the whole of the area where i live telling everyone that he had been with her and still had me aswell how disrespectful i cant beleive i am even writing all of this it sounds crazy. But surely you still know what you are doing on coke or does it get this bad , he did this on my doorstep the girl lives just round the corner everyone said she is a bit of an old goer and hasnt got a good name for herself. I just cant believe it and to take on two kids he asked me to have kids before but i just wouldnt do it because i know he wasnt capable and has had two on the past with other relationships and they have stopped him seeing them.
Will he ever change or will this be a life battle , its so hard because we live in the same area and i have to see him all the time
So sorry for the long message i just needed to get it out !
Thanks for reading if you get to the end 🙂
Please can someone tell me where and what does a coke addict actually do when they go missing on a bender are they actually just getting out their face or with other women. My partner hasn’t been home since Thursday after receiving his tax rebate and has completely blocked me. Why do they do this ? Any ex addicts on here that can answer these questions would really appreciate it.
Hi Brooke how are you feeling today ? I really don’t know why we forgive them I think because we love the person they were before this horrible drug took them away from us and every day you try and fight for what you had.
I’m ok I feel lost and broken to be honest but I got to do this as I feel I am wasting so much of my time, and fed up with feeling so miserable all of the time.
Yes I can imagine how hard things must be for you especially with children involved I really do feel for you it’s so not fair on the kids or you.
I have had the exact same from him that he wants my help to be happy again but how many times can you keep doing it, and yes they always seem to blame us I think it’s because they know what they are doing is wrong and probably hate them selves for it but just want someone else to blame but it really is no ones fault but there own don’t ever blame your self! I hope your partner finds the strength to get help for you all I really know how hard it is though you take care hunni
Hi Brooke714
I hope you are well, I never write or comment on here like you I just read through and never comment. Reading this just made me think of my relationship that has been on and of for 9 years due to cocaine, I have finally had enough too! His addiction has got worse over the years to the point I found out he owes a ridiculous amount of money to drug dealers. I have given him chance after chance tried helping him but there is nothing to help them I think they want a normal life but they just can’t seem to do it it’s sad it’s like you loose that person when they are on a binge, with texting escorts I had exactly the same I don’t know if this is the drugs or what I went through his emails and found that he had signed up to a site with lady Boys ! I was fuming I couldn’t believe what I was seeing he had texts come through from Babestation and god knows what else I have always asked my self is this really the drugs If you love someone would you want to hurt the woman you love? But every time I have asked him why he does it he says when you on coke you don’t think straight and you do stupid things, but god knows I split with him this Sunday just gone as I just was sick of the promises and all the lies, I don’t know if you have noticed but just changes them they are constantly angry snappy and never enjoy anything it’s so sad but an addict will always be an addict the feeling and temptation will always be there he was off it for 3 years and was the loveliest person ever if three years wasn’t enough to stop him then obviously that feeling is always there and they have to control it. In the end you drive your self crazy because you never trust them after what you know and the lies they tell. The lies got so bad on the coffee table you could see lines and white bits I said you been doing it again then and would bareface lie to me knowing I was standing there in front of him with it on my finger. It’s never ending it really drags you down I have never felt so depressed and completely lost my self one day you just think enough is enough how ever much you love them ! I’m so sorry to hear about your situation you have kids so must be so hard I don’t have any but he has 2 by 2 different women one was before we met she stopped her seeing him and the other kid was born through our our relationship!! And is now 3 and she also stopped him seeing him. The lies the cheating the no money the aggressiveness all just gets worse I can’t believe I haven’t walked away sooner I am gutted as I want my own kids one day and feel like I have wasted my best years on that looser . I really do hope you figure out what’s best for you in the end I think you just realise that they never change and you just have to put your self and your kids first and think of your happiness but you will only do it when your ready trust me I have gone back so many times but feel so different this time, thinking of you as I know how hard and horrible things can be always here if you need to chat