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Thank you to the person at incarus trust who responded. I will keep your details and contact the trust if I’m brave enough to ever say these things out loud to another person
Hi Sianny
You responded to my post.
I didn’t realise you still lived with your mum.
All the crying and not eating and poor sleep pattern sounds like there could be a touch of depression there too. Although alcohol and depression can trigger each other. Perhaps when she’s sober you could mention you were worried she was feeling low and think it could be depression and that maybe she could see her GP to get some tablets…. If your mum knows deep down that she has a problem it might give her the ‘excuse’ to go to the doctor.
we’re all struggling to cope. It’s something that’s not spoken about. I don’t discuss this with anyone I know. It always helps me to write on here when things get really bad. My thoughts are with you and your dad.
Take careThank you Sianny25 for your reply. I was having a really low moment last week and needed to vent.
Not that things are any better this week but I’m not feeling like I need to throw mugs at a wall!
she has been a ‘drinker’ for years, unfortunately it got worse 3-4 years ago. We’ve gone through withdrawal fits, D.Ts – which put her in intensive care, bad bruising and broken bones from falls. I say we’ve gone through it because she doesn’t remember any of it. I’m the one who witnesses all of these awful things.
She’s gone through all types of therapy- came out of meetings and got drunk.
I’d do anything to make her stop but I know her. If I put her out, she would get into a dangerous situation .
I couldn’t live with myself knowing I had a hand in that. I feel for your father. I completely understand the feeling of loyalty and responsibility. Even if they don’t deserve it. They are the person we once loved deeply and they loved us. To see this person crumble away , being ruled by a bottle is heart breaking. We all give good advice to each other …In our hearts we know what we should do to make our own lives better..But we can’t do it. We can’t turn our backs on the person we once knew. Your dad won’t leave your mum, the same way I won’t leave my partner. But something you could do would be to invite him over for dinner or out for a walk..and NOT talk about her. Your mum is on his mind 24/7 having an hour or 2 away from her helps to recharge the batteries and help him cope with the next episode.Hi. It’s a case of what came first the chicken or the egg. Depression can lead people to drink and drinking can lead to depression.
I’m 2 years further down the road than you it seems. The tablets won’t work if he’s drinking as alcohol is a depressant so it cancels out the benefits of the tablets. The memory is probably the alcohol, mine drinks in secret and binge drinks to the point of passing out. Always very sorry after…I’ll stop…It won’t happen again. For your own sake, speak to your gp. I have made the mistake of going it alone. I’m hoo ashamed, my family would tell me to leave but I can’t. She has no one and she’s not safe on her own anymore. I’m stuck. Her family have turned her back on her. Educate yourself on different stages of alcoholism. If you plan to stand by him, you need to understand what you’re letting yourself in for. And please. Please don’t fool yourself thinking it’s not that bad or he’ll wake up one day and it’ll all be better. Get as much help and support as you canIt’s almost a year since I wrote this post, had to add 1 to BlueButterfly as I forgot my login details. Things are no better. We have days of binge drinking then one or two days sober…or soberish. She’s been so abusive and full of regret when sobering up. Her family weren’t great before but as she was getting drunk, going there and being abusive they no longer even reply to her texts. Which is making her worse. I’m stuck in this until the end. No one else will keep an eye on her. I’ve gone past the point if hope. But I can’t walk out knowing how bad she gets, she binges to the point where she goes into muscle spasms and then passes out. She has no shame as she will binge drink on the street. I just pray she makes her way home before her blood alcohol level gets too high. I’m just so tired.