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Get in Steve well done!
If hers serious about help he should try NA let me know if you need more info
Hey
Thanks for sharing
You are in a tough position as you clearly care about him, and seems like you are waiting for him to get it together – the problem being that unless he admits he has an issue nothing will change unfortunately.
It sounds very much like he has addiction issues that really need some help and support, but only if he is willing and no half measures.
Gambling is a really difficult one. Not only do you haBe the strain caused by trust issues, it also creates financial insecurity too – having to pay for everything must be really upsetting especially right now.
Do you think a break of some sort may work? It may give you time to assess properly, and may be a wake up call for him
Does he realise this is an issue and is he ready to get some help?
Hi
Thank you for reaching out. That takes guts
Based on what you have written it reads as classic alcoholic behaviour to me. In fact all of that is outlined in the AA basic text.
People have a pre conceived idea of what an alcoholic is, the reality is actually very different. People can hold down jobs, go a few days without it etc – the end result is always the same -it gets worse not better.
Often overlooked is the impact alcoholism has on the family and not just the alcoholic. What you describe is very common as your husband is only worried about drinking
There is help on offer for you and him if you want it with AA and Al Anon meetings
I can answer any questions you have as I am 12 years sober this year
Hey
Thanks for posting
Before anything else I think you and the baby need support and help.
Do you have anywhere you can stay for a while to take time to think bout an approach?
Good luck cath.
It’s such a difficult one during lockdown, you cant more anywhere and services are closed. Those meetings are on all day every day, anonymous and he doesn’t even have to show his face. Just have an open mind and see if he can get some identification.
Good luck!
Hey
NA is all online at the moment. In my view far easier for someone new as they dont have to walk in to a meeting which can be terrifying. He can sit with the camera off if he likes.
The meeting will be full of other addicts and therefore people who know what it’s like, and at all different stages of recovery.
Hey cath
Did he try the NA meetings online?
Wanted to say good luck, let us all know how it goes?
Stay strong
Hey Jorge. Thanks for sharing mate, that cant have been easy.
That is alot you have going on there, and it sounds like you know this is a problem, it also sounds like you dont know how to stay stopped
There is good and bad news here I reckon.
The bad news is that addiction left to run riot will only get worse and worse. It will strip you of everything worthwhile – family, job, home, finances, friends
The good news is that if you are serious about stopping and have genuinely had enough, with willingness and hard work there is a wealth of stuff to throw at this. You can beat addiction a day a day at a time and live a happy healthy productive life.
It’s really up to you now mate
Thanks for replying.
That’s a positive start, and given the mature of heroin doctors guidance is well advised.
A substitute will stop the hell of withdrawal and hopefully you can stabilise the situation and then focus on getting some more help, without the worry of that horrible drug.
Keep posting and let us know how you go, if you ever want suggestions on long term recovery give me a shout
Not at all. I think, given the situation, you have every right to feel that way.
In my opinion rehab is great for interrupting addiction and getting the addict away, detoxed and starting to look at themselves. However, rehab isnt forever. At some point you have to have to come to terms with real life on lifes terms. That isnt easy if you are an addict as you need to replace the drugs with something else.
This is where NA may have come in useful. Not only are you around d others who think like you, they also offer a programme which is a way of coming to terms with what you are, what you did, and how you can move forward and sort yourself out. That’s something that rehab doesnt always offer (well not many)
Staying clean is a lifetimes work and to be tackled a day at a time.
Do you think there is any reasoning with him at all?
Hi Jetster
Thanks for posting, its brave of you.
Addiction to anything is horrible, not just for the addicts but families of the addict too.
Trying to get off Heroine or any Opiate once hooked is a very daunting prospect. Not only have you got to go through withdrawals which are horrendous and can last weeks, you then have to face up to the things you were self medicating for – in his instance depression and sleep.
Its really easy for people on the outside to say just stop taking it, but not so easy to actually do.
Before I say anything else, do you get any inkling that he wants to stop?
There is alot of help out there it’s just knowing where to look and seek it out.
Do you also have people you can talk to?
Hey fiona
That is very heavy stuff.
I’m acutely aware it’s very easy to give advice from the outside looking in and therefore easy to band things about willy nilly, not so easy when you are the poor soul in the thick of it.
From what you have written and described he clearly isnt ready or has no interest in getting better right now. The most difficult part of this is the fact that change has to come from the addict, no one can recover for them. Without that everything else is futile, and probably why he dropped the meetings out and didn’t do counselling.
I have met tons of addicts who are intelligent, funny and caring – sadly that goes out the window when on drugs and people completely change.
I guess the question is what next?
You mentioned you cant kick him out which I totally understand, sadly hebhadnt hit rock bottom and what you are going through now will get worse over time until he stops using or leaves.
Is there anywhere else he can go at all or has he burned all his bridges?
Hey fiona
What an awful situation, and you were just trying to help.
Your brother is clearly a very unwell person, and the things he is talking are extremely hard to overcome.
The first thing you need is support for you. Whilst he has problems and is your brother you dont have to tolerate aggression or anything else, especially as you are trying to help. Woukd you be able to sit down and give him an ultimatum?
By the way Na meetings are still on, just on zoom
Hope you write back