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First of all don’t panic…He went nine and a half years so this could just be a blip…Is he easy to talk to openly? if so very gently ask him to be honest …Is this just a stressful blow out or does he feel that he could be going down the same path as before…In his heart he will know..If he gets stroppy or self protective leave it until another time when he is calmer…If he will talk don’t be resentful or judging..If he thinks there could be a problem get him some help asap…nip it in the bud quickly….Be supportive…hes got through this before…You never said if there were any risks to you so I’m assuming there is nt…If there is you will need to be a lot stronger and take yourself away from the situation xx
Hi…I wish more people would comment on each others posts there are a lot of people struggling with no responses ……Your dad is a grown man and should nt be placing you in this position…But he is ill …but through the choices he has made in life and the paths he has chosen to take…There is help out there for him but he has to want to change his life and you cant make him to do that…I understand he is your dad and you love him dearly but you too are entitled to enjoy your life in the way that you choose to live…I am mum to a son in prison for addictions…so understand where your worry of abandoning comes from…But you know sometimes its much easier to support someone from the outside rather than living and breathing it everyday…You don’t have to completely desert your dad…If you feel its going to be better to move out then do just that…You can at least then go back to your own home for some time out and visit and help him again the next day but at least you get some space and sanity from the situation…Hope this helps …Good luck xxx
Thank you lolipop…The sad thing is this is nt my first Christmas without him but at least i knew where he was last year….He was in young offenders but this year feels worse. Its really hitting me hard, Thank you for your support and kind words, xxx
Hi… I understand you completely….You haven t said how old your son is but I have been through this with mine….Not injecting..or as far as i know…Mcat and cannabis my son has been in and out of Y.O.I…breached tag no end of times and appointments with yot and probation…I too threw him out and things got worse but I had to for a younger siblings sake….Only this year he was completely homeless spent three nights on street asked for me to pay for b and b it was like living hell…I cried, worried felt like a terrible mum but deep down i knew he had to hit an all time low without me picking up the pieces….Thankfully at the moment it appears to have worked …I am not saying indefinately and I am not for one minute saying it works for every one,,,but do think you have to take the tough approach….I hope this brings you a little confidence in what your doing…take each day as it comes and stay strong…Best wishes xx
Hi,,,I have nt posted for a while but I still read through the posts…I just wanted to say I fully understand how your feeling ….I m sorry I cant offer any advice as I too dont know what to do half of the time,,,Stay strong my thoughts are with you…I share your nightmares…good luck xx
I agree…More needs to be done…there is nothing more upsetting when you turn to this site for genuine support from people and then get Witch doctors replying to your posts ….its irritating
Hi…Stay strong and dont do it….I know its horrible and as a mother they make us feel as guilty as hell but you know yourself if you do pay for it now you are going to keep on there will always be something..
My son did exactly the same to me has bled me dry of money…To the point he was evicted and ended up on street until he was rehoused he begged me to pay for bed and breakfast for him. I said no he had had money to pay for it himself and decided to blow it…..I could nt sleep was worried to death what would happen but knew I had to be cruel to be kind…You know what….he survived it has his own flat is practically kitted out again and I have had three weeks without any abuse or asking for money. Im not saying he is clean but he knows not to ask me anymore….What happens if you just cant afford to do it? Cant raise the money from anywhere? overdrawn….credit cards maxed out…you would have to say no…..He will get to work if he really wants to he will find a way. Like they find a way of getting other stuff they REALLY want….Tell him to get his mates to drop him off and pick him up…..DONT GIVE IN…..youll keep on doing it…..Take care big hugs xxxxx
Hi ….My son was twelve months younger than yours when i started going through this….we are now three years on and still going through hell…he too has a younger sibling (3) I have had to stand back from my son he was making me ill bleeding me dry of money and I was trying to juggler a toddler …working nights ….daytimes either visiting hospitals, courts, and finally y o ….It has taken me a lot of time to realise that until he wants help (and help does nt mean cash) i simply cant do anything and its the little ones and rest of family that are losing out…..I hope this gives you the strength to do what you feel is right for you because you can only do what you can manage mentally yourself…..As already been said your not alone xxx
Hi…Sorry to hear that….I know all to well what you are going through..remember my sons like it was yesterday…thoughts and prayers are with you….Hopefully the space away from influences will give him chance to reflect…fingers crossed for you all xxx
Hi…Im sorry if this sounds harsh but unless he is prepared to get help stay the hell away from him…MCAT is nasty nasty stuff my son has gone from being a loving affectionate lad …would still hug me in front of his mates in his early teens to someone who can be extremely aggressive to me and im his mum and anyone that ticks him off….He wont know what he wants apart from the next amount of money to buy it….Sorry but this aint gonna get better…take care of you and your life dont get dragged down with it he will make you ill xxx
Hi ….Am sorry to hear what your going through..Some of us here are Parents struggling with our kids abusing substances and know full well how difficult and draining it can be, to be dealing with this at your age must be horrendous..I understand that they re your parents and you love them and are scared for them but you really should nt be carrying this burden alone…You really do need someone to talk with and offer you support…Like sad and tired has said…Have you got anyone you can go and stay with for a while? Any other relative or friend you can trust? You need to look after your best interests im sorry to say this but this isnt going to just go away your parents need to ask for and accept that they need help only they can do this…..Please dont let yourself get caught up in it get some help…Take care and good luck xx
Hi blue…I choked back the tears when i read this and fully understand what your going through…luckily for me not to the same level of violence although my son has subjected others to that…
I had to be hard with my son I have his older brother living at home and also his toddler brother..He too has stole, lied and bled me dry of money and been abusive when he dont his own way.
Sometimes you have to come to realise that you can only do so much and that if they wont accept help then they are not ready to change their ways, which in turn means you have to stand back.
You have a life also and dont have to be part of his chosen one…I know its difficult when you love someone so dearly but it has to be their choice to change.
I feel for you all and your parents they are clearly being manipulated because they are frightened of him….I think perhaps it may be time for you to sit down with your parents and agree on a plan to end this violence because that is extremely unacceptable…You may need to consider involving the police..please dont let this level of threats and violence to continue…please get some help xxx
Hi Lucy…Am so so sorry to hear of your pain can only imagine how distraught you must be….He will be at peace now….no more suffering from these terrible drugs and evil dealers . God bless you hunni . My thoughts and condolences are with you and your family xxxxx
Its very difficult I know…they have a wonderful way of making us feel guilty…its never their fault…always someone elses..Stay strong ..Leave him to it…it may be the wake up call he needs xx
Just to give you an insight into my family …I have an elder son still living at home on his fourth year of an apprenticeship owns his own car does nt cause an ounce of bother…and a toddler from my second marriage…We all work hard (Apart from the toddler lol) All of us work full time and have tried everything to pull my other son back…None of us take drugs or are dysfunctional were just a normal hardworking family whose lives are all affected by one persons drug and alcohol abuse xx