[crusha]

Hi Selina, I feel your pain but you are not responsible for your brothers actions. I have supportedy brother for many years at the cost of my health & happiness & the end result has been him lapsing yet again, blaming everybody else but himself. Unfortunately when they are in denial they will keep choosing what they do regardless of the destruction to others around them. My brother took advantage of me again recently but it was just that one too many that pushed me over the edge & I kicked him out & remained strong to give him the wake up call he needed. After being on the streets for a week it scared the life out of him because I stuck to my boundaries & DIDNT GIVE IN which is what he is normally used to. I have now been told by him that he wishes for me to never contact him again! Very hurtful when I have done & given so much to him. The journey has made me accept that I can’t save him he can only do that himself & I am so much happier without him as it causes me so much stress which makes me ill. So my advice to you would be to find the strength to do tough love. Stop doing for him so that he has no choice but to do for himself. Tell him you love him and always will but you must think of yourself now & enjoy your life. I don’t feel guilty anymore because he turns on me when he doesn’t get what he wants and I know I have done so much and cannot possibly have done any more. So I can now accept that I can’t help him I can only love him. ????

[crusha]

I understand your despair. My father was the same a monster through drink & mum finally plucked up enough courage to leave him when my brother was 12 yrs old. He is now 30 and although my mum has done an amazing job raising us & what she thought covering for my dad’s behaviour as children we knew. Unfortunately my brother has seen to much & been used as a weapon of bitterness against his mum & sisters by my father & he is now the result of this a monster when drunk, a mirror image of my father. He is dependant on alcohol in times of stress & has his fix at great cost to himself & his family. We are devestated & cannot support him no more. You MUST find it in yourself to accept you cannot help him unless he accepts he has a problem that requires professional help. your son is also of a vulnerable age & it would be devastating for him to learn his ways which my brother has done. I feel I have lost a father & a brother to alcohol. Take care of yourself.

[crusha]

Heart Wrenching! I am going through a similar situation with my brother but with alcohol. It is wrecking his life. I have even put a temporary roof over his head & he abused it last night by making a bad choice & coming back to mine verbally aggressive and threatening as I wouldn’t let him in as he broke my no alcohol in my house rule & I called the police he kicked open my door & walked in as if he has done wrong & expected to just go & sleep it off ! Police removed him & my decision is from then do u want to press charges & appear in court & he will be put back inside as 3 months ago he came out of prison due to alcohol related behaviour and say is there anywhere we can take him as there is no shelters help for him & he is on the streets tonight. My health & happiness has now drained away just as I was learning to trust a little. Hiding drink to function & lying seems his way to get what he wants. Binge drinking & a personality disorder is not a good mix. I now have to face a difficult decision today do I allow him back sober until he finds a place to live or not allow him & tough love sees him on the streets to reach out for the help he needs. I have accepted after years of support I cannot do this any more I am on my own now & mum & sisters cannot & will not deal with it any more, I am too close to him & he is abusing my nature. I didn’t sleep last night with worry & I am terrified of making a decision today & telling him!

[crusha]

Wow you have been through so much but they must know that it is not ok to treat you & your home badly. It is disrespectful, you gave birth to your children but you are not responsible for the bad choices they make. You may only see a change if you take a stand a d make it clear you will not be used as a doormat no matter how much you love them. You only have one life & you must live it the best way you can even if tough love decisions have to be made.

[crusha]

I am in the same situation as you with my brother! He lapsed tonight & I had to refuse him back into my home as he was drunk. He became verbally aggressive so I called the police to have him removed. He is now on the streets with no home & this isn’t the first time & I am devastated. He did this 2 weeks ago. He thinks I don’t notice & he can pull the wool over my eyes. The family are torn apart & everyone has given up on him after years of problems. I am so alone & I know I have to think of myself now & my health! ???? I feel your pain but your brother like mine may manipulate you to get what they want through their own selfishness & destructiveness. You must take care of yourself.

[crusha]

I know the feeling! I have a brother I have been supporting for years. Recently lost his home as he gave it up for his girlfriend to live with her & relapsed got remanded in custody for her having to report his behaviour. I went to court & saved him once again by giving my address for him to stay temporary. Only he struggles to get a home & 3 months later is still at mine. To top it after making good progress come back tonight out of his face on drink, verbally aggressive because I wouldn’t let him in in that state. Police were called & now he is feeling tough love as he is on streets tonight because he has nowhere to go. I am not able to sleep as the thought of it destroys me! He just won’t learn!!! I have to make a decision tomorrow as I need to put myself first & I can’t cope with it any more!!!!!! ????

[crusha]

I am so sorry for your loss & I feel your pain as I am and have been going through it for years with my brother. He has been making some improvement then we get hit with a whopper lapse & he wrecks his life and takes his family down with him every time. If only he could stop the denial but he has been let down so many times with no outside support because when they are under the influence the services will not help!!!!!!!!!!!!!????

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