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Hi Whitefeather7,
Welcome to the Forum,
I would definitely hold off living together. How often does he drink? In my experience the two go hand in hand. I would say that taking cocaine is a problem even if it is only once a week, that can change in an instant.
You obviously have doubts and I would have a really good think about what you want for yourself, because living with an addict is hell. Sorry to sound harsh but I am just being truthful.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Aries,
Welcome to the Forum.
You are doing nothing wrong, never blame yourself.
Look after you, life will get better with time.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Tillyxoxo,
Welcome to the Forum.
I’m glad that you have gone back to your Mums, and I really think this is the right thing to do for you. You need to be strong now and don’t answer the phone, he will only manipulate you to see him.
Believe me when I say it would be a life of hell, I live with my addict son and it is not a life I would wish on anyone else.
Keep in touch on here, there are lots of people in a similar situation and they all give good advice.
Take care.
Dx
Hi MrsJ,
Welcome to the Forum, where you will great advice from lots of people in a similar situation. I’m sorry that you find yourself in this situation, it’s like living in hell.
I am the Mum of an addict, alcohol and cocaine, he has pressed the self destruct button at the moment and is not in a good place. The money, the lies, it’s a viscious circle which is very hard on the person that has to live with it.
It’s all very sad, causes so much stress, and I really wish I had all the answers. I think you have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to be made, but very hard when you love the person and know that they can be so much better when clean and sober.
Keep in touch on here. Take care.
Dx
Hi Ladyladylady,
Welcome to the Forum.
I can only reiterate Lindyloos words and you really need to think about the future.
What has he done to try and be sober? Has he been to meetings or gone on line to Zoom meetings?
You ask if 2 months is enough time to heal. I think the honest answer is that they will always be an addict but can be a recovering addict if they really want too, with lots of hard work and commitment.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Unsure 2021,
Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to come and get advice and nobody judges you.
Unfortunately from my own experience with my Son, is that they are nasty to the core, especially on the come down from cocaine usually mixed with alcohol.
Always asking for money, always telling lies, it’s a never ending vicious circle and I wouldn’t wish living with an addict on my worst enemy. I’m not being harsh, but it is like living in hell.
If I was you I would run for the hills and never look back.
Take care.
Dx
Hi all,
Sorry February Marie and Jem that you are going through such awful times at the moment.
I have been keeping up to date with this thread, and praying that one day we will be able to write something positive.
Lindyloo, I hope your Son is still doing well and Bump your Son is as well.
Sadly my Mum passed away at the end of January and as you can imagine it has been a very upsetting time. My Son was close to his Nan, but since she has passed I think he has gone into overdrive, he has been unbearable at times, drinking, taking drugs and just having no respect for how I was feeling, his behaviour really shocked me to be honest. He has also been seeing another woman, which never ends well, and now that has ended, I hope he realises that he needs to love himself first, watch this space. He did go to a meeting last week, but sometimes I think that’s just to say to me that he’s doing something.
I have come home from work tonight and he was cleaning the kitchen and cooked the tea, small steps, but I’ll take that for today.
As you all know it is all very wearing at times and I wish I could flick a switch and make it all stop.
Thinking of everyone on here.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Lorry321,
Have you spoke to the people in the Rehab? Or is this what your Daughter has told you? I only ask because you know what lies they tell, sorry if this is not the case.
My experience of my Son being in Rehab was all good and they were really helpful to both of us and still to this day (2 years later), they still help if I ring them.
As I know they are very expensive places, so really you should be getting some of your money back.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Lorry321,
So sorry you are going through this.
How long was your Daughter in Rehab for?
My Son has been twice, and yes he has relapsed but has got all the tools from being in Rehab to hopefully get back on track.
Do not give her money, this is the worst thing they do to us. I actually say No now and I stand my ground, he doesn’t like it and still goes on, but try and be strong. If you need to then I would ring the Police especially if you are in danger from your daughter.
Please keep in touch on here.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Lorry321,
I think there is only so much one person can take, stealing your TV is really bad and I can imagine how upset you are with her threats as well.
You have to do what you feel is right for you and your safety, because they cannot keep getting away with things like this, they have choices at the end of the day.
Please don’t feel like you don’t want to be here, but I do understand where you are coming from.
Take care and keep in touch on here.
Dx
Hi Julieanne03,
Welcome to the Forum, so sorry that you find yourself in this position, but Adfam is a great place to be able to share your story with others that are in a similar situation.
If you can find the Theresa thread, you will find lots of Mums with Sons with Addiction.
My Son is an addict, cocaine and alcohol, he’s not as bad now as he was, but he has his moments.
My Son has been to Rehab twice, and as you say it is very expensive, but if he is willing to go I think he is young enough to perhaps turn it around. The Rehab my Son went to was very good and he learnt a lot, I think the hardest thing for them to do is come back out into the same situation, they have to change lots of things that they were doing before, and know what triggers them. He will learn these things in Rehab and has to continue to learn when he comes home.
I wish you all the best. Please keep in touch on here, ask anything you need to know.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Verity Oakes,
I think you can contact the Icarus Trust, they post on Adfam.
My Son has been in Rehab and I talked to the people at the Rehab all the time, I found them really helpful and very honest.
I don’t know about any help groups but sure that there is.
Hope you are ok.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Carfan,
Welcome to the Forum.
You have made the first positive move by coming on here. There are lots of people on here in similar situations and also dealing with family members with Addiction.
If you can find a thread with Danman83 on, he is also an Addict, and he gives great advice.
Nobody judges on here.
I am the Mum of an addict, so I see it from the other side (so to speak).
I’m glad that you have reached out and try to continue your journey into Recovery.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Bump,
Thinking of you at this very stressful time.
Glad you are taking some time for yourself.
Take care.
Dx
Hi Sunny2022,
Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to be able to talk to others in similar situations, but all living with Addicts, which I’m sure you will say is hell.
I have got some really good help from Adfam and the ladies in this thread, at the moment I’m trying to implement boundaries for my Son, he is 30 and much better now than he was 2 years ago, but still only playing at Recovery, which they will only do it when they decide too. Mentally I really don’t think he is 30, it’s like having another child to cope with, other times he is great, but you never know what mood they are going to wake up in and how they are going to be for the day, it’s very wearing.
Does your Son want to give up the drugs? Or has he ever tried too?
There are some really great ladies on here with really good advice, I’m so glad that I found Adfam.
Take care of you and keep in touch on here.
Dx