[FrazzlePop24]

Aw,thanks.

Nope! True to form, he’s been popping by since this happened, saying less and less about why he’s turned up each time and staying longer and longer.
The first day, he come to collect a jacket.

The second day, he came to ‘get his bike’, which has been broken for months and he was stalling for time making a show of trying to fix it in front of Mum. She cannot keep still when he’s visiting, she follows him around with clean clothes and socks like he’s five. It’s actually vomit inducing.

This afternoon, he came back, no mention of why, getting nice and cosy.

Apparently, he ‘lost’ his druggie prescription, came to hers and she went back there with him and apparently the prescription has already been filled…So, then get the CCTV and prove it – because why doesn’t he have the drugs?

So, no meds-he’s gone else where to procure the real stuff – which Mum likely paid for…
He comes back 6 hrs later, so it’s late and getting ready to bed down for the night…

We have been telling Mum all day this feels like a ruse – she, in her Dot Cotton glory swears straight he’s ‘being given a tent, having a shower and then going’….it’s likely they planned this whole thing. They’re both liars and have form on this front.

She takes 30 mins to work up the courage to ask him to leave.
He takes that same amount of time to leave whilst talking sh*t about being asked to leave.

She then follows him out tonight with his tent to the car park to ‘settle him down’ – this is a 33 year old grown man.

It is not unheard of and therefore entirely plausible that she will sit in the park with him until it’s late, then sneak him in when we’re sleeping…bearing in mind, this is a 60-odd year old woman out at night babysitting her crackhead son who treats her like less than the help…which begs the question:

WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?

Her party line to us earlier was: ‘oh,no. He has to go, otherwise you will all be upset with me…..’

It’s like ”No, he has to go so you and your dependent children can sleep and live in peace without a raging alcoholic and drug abuser screaming in your face and threatening you all. Your child is failing every subject in school, one room of your home is filthy, he’s doing drugs with your disbaled son present in the room, and you never know if you’re going to wake up to a fully charred kitchen, or a sink full of dishes and you’re having to hide all the knives”.

Honestly, if she doesn’t wake up soon, I fear something tragic will happen by his hand because she cannot maintain a boundary for more than 48 hours, even when been threatened – she told my sister she has never been so scared in her life by what’s happened.

So, why keep coddling someone who so blatantly hates you?

Him being ‘well’ is neither here nor there to me because there’s nothing actually wrong with him, he isn’t ill, he just likes being a junkie because of the attention it gives him.
Even sober, he is a nasty b@stard, drugs and beer just make it more apparent.

How she has evaded social services is beyond me because the way all of us have presented growing up because we were knackered from being woken up by him or getting into fights with my Dad.

And when we’re challenging her about why he’s being allowed into the house so easily, she says ”I want peace in my life”, which means ”Don’t challenge me about this bad idea because I cannot handle conflict”. Which I find interesting because she grew up in a household with a lot of shouting.

So, she’d rather live in complete misery than, be the bad guy – I mentioned this to her earlier about not wanting to be the bad guy, and I knew I hit the nail on the head – she went silent and went to get his tent.

Look, if she wants to have him back here, that’s fine.

But when he does something heinous, I don’t want to hear any more complaints.

[FrazzlePop24]

MUM HAS FINALLY KICKED HIM OUT!

I check my phone at work earlier this week and have 10 missed calls from my sister who is away at uni.
I called her back thinking she was in trouble – she picked up and said she would message me as she was in lecture.

She messaged saying she has called the police from uni because whilst on the phone to Mum she heard addict brother SCREAMING like a demon at the family and our Mum was shaken up on the phone.

I said thanks for letting me know, as messages from another brother who was at the house came through saying addict brother left and police are there now.
He’d smashed a bin, shouted threats and mentioned he has headbutted someone in the high street.

The police took a photo of the bast@rd, plus the damamge and told us if he returns then call the police – he arrived three hours later like nothing happened with ‘Alright Mum?’.

Nobody said anything and our little sister texted our sister at uni and asked her to call police as he would hear us.

He sits in the back room ready to strike up his next batch of brown for round number 4,328.

20 minutes later, 4 officers turn up and escort him off the premises on the basis of assault and criminal damage.

He asks ”am i getting nicked?”

Well, duh!

He spent the night in a cell, never to return.

Police asked Mum if she wants him back after bail, she actually hesitated!

Our brother said to her well, ”do you want to be in here p!ssing yourself from fear each night he does this?”

So Mum said ”no”.

She has been advised again, to get an NMO and given a number.

Other brother mentioned the headlock incident from the other month – they took that into account as well which has put brother back on the sh!tlist with addict brother again, but at this point, nobody even cares.

The police called with him in the background and apparently he’s ”sorry” and ”going to get help”…..

He’s been back a few times, of course p!ssed and on something (also on one occasion talking cr@p about Mum’s decision to call the police) to collect stuff and I’ve just said to Mum not to let this be a thing where he is wearing her down again to get back in with not one scintilla of changed behaviour.

She’s fully the type who wont tell us anything but then we come in one day and he’s just sat at the dinner table – no explanation, just a surprise when he acts the same again **eyeroll**

The whole house is lighter, smells cleaner, everyone is sleeping properly.

It’ll be interesting to see if he bothers to sort himself out in the face of being left homeless.

I don’t wish any bad on him, I’ve just washed my hands of him completely.

My only Job now is to keep Mum firmly stuck to her guns.

[FrazzlePop24]

I know this is a super old thread but I felt every word of what you’ve said. My brother is the same and I’ve washed my hands of him completely. If the rest of the family want to continue being lied to, gaslit, blamed, scapegoated and spoken to like pr!cks, that’s on them. I second everything you say about the drug and alcohol service – useless af!

All I can control is prayers he gets better and that my Mum starts making sense of the fact she is an enabler.

[FrazzlePop24]

After 2 weeks, obviously Golden Boy has relapsed, and we’re all back walking on eggshells as he walks around the house with his phone on loud live streams to Filipino hookers 10 years his junior.

Another disgusting rant last night about me being a fat sl*t and a c**t, why?

Because he was goading disabled brother whilst drunk, asking him seven times from the kitchen if he was alright?

He doesn’t give a f**k about his wellbeing, he just likes annoying people.

 

So I shouted into the kitchen ”I think he’s alright”.

His reply: a sarcastic ”Sorry guys”

and then into his smelly little bedroom hiding hole where he slams the doors with a plate full of the food I pay for.

This b@stard can go and f**k himself.

Honestly, I just wish he would hurry up and OD or someone puts him in hospital/jail.

I cannot bear the selfish, dirty animal.

 

Mummy dearest then starts smiling and giggling with him this morning, and he asks when the NMO will be complete so he can get his place…imagine being so dense that you thinK the premise of an NMO is to get you re-housed? LMAO

He’s got the shock of his petty, limited life when he realises it’s to remove him, not rehouse him.

 

TRAMP!

 

 

[FrazzlePop24]

So, five days sober and he’s still a jarring insufferable c**t.

He wont d*e at least, so mum has golden boy back for now.

We still have the whole house like a noise chamber because he believes he’s some tortured tech giant in a relapsing crack fiend and alcoholics body…he’s been ‘developing an app’  for over a year and never really got that far with it.

He will not stop shoving logo designs, concepts and facts and figures at us.

Honestly, it’s like listening to a child….it’s just non stop

He needs to understand he doesnt have the luxury of sitting on his nuts and living for free as he finds his purpose – we have bills to pay!

 

Here’s hoping the trash he chats to online tucker him out so we can all get some fucking kip tonight

[FrazzlePop24]

She’s a f**king idiot and I’m sick to the back teeth of this crackhead c**t, and coaxing her like a wounded fawn into doing what should be blatantly effing obvious.

[FrazzlePop24]

You can’t make them be better people.

Addicts are selfish.

Some, can lose everything and decide to stop using.

Others are quite happy to use to oblivion but usually wont tell people around them that until they’ve taken their best years from them.

 

[FrazzlePop24]

It’s now abundantly clear that my mother has zero intention of getting this boy out the house.

I’ve taken the bull by the horns and contacted a family lawyer on her behalf about an NMO and occupation order, then told her about it afterward. She was fine but when it comes to it, I’m sure they’ll be an excuse.

So, she had my card two days ago as she’s run out of money – again (I pay most of her bills so, I’m unsure wtf she is doing, she can’t manage money for sh*t). True to form, she’s give it to that miser because she is too tired and lazy to go to the shops, and the crackhead c**t has managed to lose my card, the only money the family had for four days.

 

He got JSA money was was ”going to buy a bike” with, then subsequently spaffed over £300 of drink and drugs whilst staving off calls from my mother to give her at least the money needed that he essentially lost.

 

Well, he just about managed to order two pizza’s here and then when she asked about the other days people needed to eat, he basically was bereft down the phone (meaning he’s spent all his money)…i think the only fucker shocked was her LOL!

I’m relived he’s lost the card, I felt relaxed after she told me because my first thought was ”f**k the lot of you, you’re on your own now”.

I get home from work and after losing my card, this crackhead c**t is really going to look me dead in my face and ask me ”Have you got a pound?”.

The urge I had to spit in his face. I just looked at him, I didn’t trust myself to speak.

 

True to form, Mum asked my little sister for money (she’s  a student and lives away).

She gave Mum the money…only for her to give my brother her card again, allow him to buy and ‘cook’ a muggy, watery dinner that was inedible and fall asleep before it was even cooked.

I literally am losing the effing WILL with the two of them. It’s like they’re f**king slow or something.

If I have to get these NMO’s granted and take these children away, I will.

 

It’s very apparent my mother has checked out and doesn’t want to be bad cop. That was dad’s job, to be scapegoated and hated by the son she doesn’t want to instill boundaries against lest he stop being her friend

It’s actually embarrassing at this point and I wont be addressing it with her any more because she acts like a scorned child, which I think is her own trauma. I’m not a therapist but this lack of boundaries and worrying about what an actual emotional abuser will think about your totally rational response to abuse is INSANITY.

 

What I’ve realised is, she likes to discuss things but not to act on them.

I’m not an agony aunt and she will no longer waste my time.

 

I love her but she is annoying tf outta me!

[FrazzlePop24]

As sad as this is, I think I have a break through with my mum finally f**king doing something now my brothers venom has been directed at her.

Friday night, brother comes in drunk and being annoying.

She was doing personal care for disabled brother, and putting him to bed.

Skag head brother says he will lift disabled brother into bed but continues reading messages from filipino whores online, so mum put him in bed.

skag head says ”there was no need for that, I said I would put him in”

mum says she wasn’t going to wait around, she is tired and just wants to go to bed.

 

mum starts clearing away nappy pads and things she uses for personal care.

as she’s doing so, skag head brother starts saying out loud:

”why is she like this?”

”women like that will drive you mad”

”dad must be glad he’s dead”

Mum came back and said ”look, I wasn’t waiting around for you to do anything, I’m minding my business”

 

skag head carries on with same sh*t words.

 

Mum called him a wa**er

He then scream ”c**t”, ”dumb b**ch” about 4 times each and slammed doors.

Made reference to some other stuff.

Mum told me to call the police, I started to, then he went to lay down.

 

The whole family sat on eggshells for an hour after, and I felt so horrible for her.

 

She was taken aback, I think. Not least because just 30 minutes before, she had given up her takeaway for him that we had ordered without him as he had been out on the pi**

I thought she was a mug for doing so, and I told her at the time for this reason.

Anyway, I said to her she should get an NMO and occupation order.

I explained what they were and how she could file for one.

She asked if she could file for one anonymously.

I said no,

but she’s clearly scared of being the bad guy, but I think more scared of him and also of how low she’s been feeling lately.

I’ve said to her, if she’s doesn’t want to file it I will.

 

I’m going to keep mentioning it.

Interestingly, over Easter break, he had a similar altercation with my other brother who had questioned him about why he kept helping himself to food meant for Easter.

He screamed at him, wished him dead, spat racial slurs about my brothers partner and a whole slew of other sh*t…they haven’t been speaking.

This just further compounded how we all fee and have been feeling over the last 20 years.

 

As always, faux remorse, slowly starting it all back up again just days later, it’s like groundhog day.

Fingers crossed for this NMO because it’s the only way out before something really bad happens.

 

I really dislike him, and no matter how much I try and fight it, I’ve realised how much respect i’ve lost for him, we’re all just playing a game here to stop ourselves being subjected to any further vitriol.

[FrazzlePop24]

I need to get away from these people.

They actively depress me.

I hate seeing them in the morning because they eff up my day.

It’s like watching Dot and Nick Cotton irl.

 

[FrazzlePop24]

Any tips on telling your enabling mother to sort it the f**k out?

I’ve sat back for the last two months and realised this frustrating pattern of behaviour.

My mum isn’t computer savvy so wont do an online shop, and is in pain with her knees so begrudgingly goes to the shop when she has to.

My skag head, alky brother pounces on her like a rat up a drainpipe ”I’ll go”….yeah, because there’s a beer or 4 in it for him. Yes, He’s still drinking whilst on an opioid substitute prescription (I’m half tempted to tell the local drug and alcohol service).

Because he’s out on this p!ss, my mum now sits there complaining the kids are hungry and she hasn’t eaten because he’s now taken two hours to go to a supermarket a 10 minute walk away.

 

My other brother: ”Well, he’s an addict. What did you think was going to happen?” I would have laughed if I wasn’t so annoyed at my mum.

 

She’ll sit there with her banking app, refreshing every five minutes to see where he’s spent money.

Obviously the Off License *eye roll*

She can’t even moan about this bit anymore because my other brother just ignores her. He thinks it’s comical that she’s so effing dopey.

The skag head comes in, sweating and belligerent, makes himself a sandwich, whilst putting the food on he was supposed to make for the family, then falls asleep leaving it all to burn to a crisp, whilst she sits their like an earthquake survivor in shock.

Money wasted, which she doesn’t have. Even with me paying both main utilities in full every month, she still cannot budget properly to feed these kids – the money is there, she’s just effing LAZY, and he’s honed in on that.

 

Honestly, I could chin her….it’s like she’s just deliberately slow on the uptake because she doesn’t want any trouble.

I’m losing the effing will, and I’m in serious danger of losing my b@stard rag big time.

I can’t even be in the house, to the point where I’m showering really early in the morning and I’m out by 6.30am, suited and booted for ‘work’ but I sit in a hidden clearing in a local park with a book/music then go into work, where I have to pretend I’m full of the joys.

I then find somewhere else to sit at 5pm like parks, go cinema alone if there’s something decent on, and get home for 10pm.

I then have to play night watch until skag head falls asleep, or the brother with special needs he shares a room with (that skag head purposely winds up the threatens to k!ll when he reacts) goes to sleep.

Something has GOT to give.

I thought our mother understood after last April and October when skag head basically screamed in all our faces and wished us brown bread that she wasn’t going to facilitate this anymore.

He hadn’t had so much as £1 off me or our other brother in a year.

Our other brother stays at his Mrs 80% of the month, which I don’t blame him, it’s effing chaos here.

Mum sits there like a sad puppy when other brother comes to wash some clothes or pick up his games console and tries to pry as to why he wont stay indoors….look at the environment you’ve helped create, you CRETIN! Our little sister just stays in her room – she can’t stand it all either.

Skag head just walks around sweating, blurting out bulls**t like an attention seeking child all day, or with some app for asian wh0res squaking like it’s an online br0thel, and if he isn’t doing that, he’s looking for change down the back of sofas like a big fat hairless rat.

 

He then lies to mum telling her the local drug and alcohol service didn’t give him his prescription (he turned up late to get it over the long Easter break because he was too drunk to get off his nuts and get it). She then gives him money to get dark ‘to last until he gets his prescription’…then when he takes the lot, acts surprised.

He’s been nodding all effing day today…in the house.

This is literally getting worse and worse and I am considering doing an anonymous referral to the social.

What I ideally want, is this man gone.

He is a disrespectful, manipulative liability.

 

He says all the right stuff when he is off his t!ts because Mum will swoon  and lap it up like a mug, but my other brothers and I don’t even flinch, because we know it’s all b0ll0cks.

Whatever I do, I’m stuck.

[FrazzlePop24]

Also, f**K your friend!

I got sick of putting idiots straight about my brother after they’d been spun a line in order for him to get another few quid off of them for a pity beer.

B**locks, you deserve a life too

[FrazzlePop24]

This is heart breaking.

Gosh, this sounds startlingly similar to my life except I’m the older sister – sadly, our brother missed his chance to speak to our Dad and almost 8 years on, he’s still s scummy, druggie and manipulative alcoholic.

 

You aren’t selfish for being done, I’ve told my brother if he’s going to unalive himself, can he just ensure he has ID because I’m not coming to do it.

 

I can’t tell you what to do, but I walked away. After 22 years of sh*t, I’m just now longer interested.

[FrazzlePop24]

Well done!

My brother has RUINED our family and I wish I could move us all away from him and his scummy behaviour.

Stay strong, you’ve done the right thing.

[FrazzlePop24]

Annoyingly, I second what they say at these centres, the person has to call and make the step.
It’s hell for us as their family because we’re the only ones that feel the consequences of what they’re doing.

If your partner has expressed wanting to take an active role in their sobriety, contacting your local drug and alcohol service or GP is the 1st step.

Otherwise you’re the person doing all the running around for someone who isn’t remotely interested in being clean…it’s like taking a pill for another persons headache.

[Author]

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