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Hi all, I’ve been reading your thread. I am the mum of a 28yrs old son who has alcohol and cocaine addictions.
He is currently in early recovery. Over the last couple of years he’s tried everything but rehab, which is too expensive and needs time off work. He joined the AA fellowship and CA. He’s gained a wealth of knowledge and support from these guys. He said , for
him, it’s the only thing that works.
There is always the chance of relapses, but this is common. His best stint was almost 6 months clean. He’s currently 2 months clean. I’m so proud of him, as I know every day is a battle for you guys.
Stay strong, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Lx
Hi Mony
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. You shouldn’t feel guilty, I’m sure while you were together you did your best to help him.
Unfortunately when the addiction takes over their lives, it totally consumes them. It turns them into people we don’t recognise, and they treat those who are closest to them, the worst unfortunately They have to be mentally and emotionally strong to fight it and so do the partners or families.
He was a tormented soul who is now at peace. It’s just very sad for those left behind.
I hope you get the help and support you need at this difficult time.
Take care Mony,
Lx ❤
Hi all, I’ve also been thinking of you all on this thread and wondering how you’re doing.
Kate – i also think and pray for you every day, and it’s only natural that you think of the’what ifs’. You did everything mum could do, but we all know how evil addiction is.
My son is also doing okay at the moment, still managing to stay clean, thank God. I know every day is still a battle for him, but he’s got good support around him. He gets counselling through his work and has opened up about his past and his issues. He has a lot of ocd issues so that explains a lot .
I hope you all manage to find a little happiness in the sunshine and with your grandchildren.
Take care of yourselves
Lx
Hi Marebear,
Welcome to the forum, I was so sorry to read your story, you really have a lot to cope with just now.
Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.
Have you read the adfam home page? There’s some little podcasts giving you some strategies to help you cope. The Icarus trust also posts here too, you can check out their Website.
I have a son with addictions and have looked after an elderly relative with health needs in the past, so I know things can overwhelm you.
In the meantime, please look after your own health and well-being first and foremost, it well help you to cope better. I really hope you get the help and support you need.
Take care , keep posting here❤
Lx
Hi Dan, hope all is good with you and you enjoyed your walk in Wales.
I think the devil on my son’s shoulder is twitchy just now. I think its the nice sunny weather and previous summers with beers and other stuff that’s tempting him. I said, well you just have to adapt your lifestyle to suit your recovery now. He knows what the alternative is, hes thinking about changing his job , moving away etc, I think it’s too early in his recovery to do anything like that yet. Some undesirables still know where he stays i guess . It’s difficult for him. Any comments Dan?
Lx
Hi Linda,
I’ve been reading your story on this thread. I’m so very sorry you are going through this with your son.
We’re all on this forum because we have a loved one with an addiction.
I usually post on the Theresa thread, we are all mums with sons with addictions.
My son is 28yrs and has alcohol and cocaine addictions. The last 14yrs of his (and our ) lives has been a nightmare. I understand some of what you’re going through.
My son reached out to us for help almost 2 years ago. He admitted his addictions and asked us to support him. He joined AA and CA and has got himself clean but also has had relapses.
He told me to still love him but hate the addiction and what it does. I think you’re doing the right thing supporting the best way you can under these really difficult circumstances. Detaching yourself a bit is something you need to do for your own sanity in my opinion.
Find time for yourself and celebrate small achievements. The forum has advice and support as do the Icarus trust who post here. I hope you both get the help and support you both need.
Unfortunately until they themselves admit they have a problem and want support there’s little we as mums can do except pray and support them as best we can without enabling them too much.
Stay strong, keep in touch here. It helps to vent or seek support.
Take care ❤
Lx
Hi Dan,
So pleased that you’re back in the saddle again. Well done – i know its not easy for you guys in recovery.
Yes, the AA and CA meetings are the only thing that works for my son. The fellowship are a great support and he is happier now that face to face meetings have started again. Thankfully he’s doing well just now, I know not everyone is religious, but I do pray for us all here every day.
Keep on doin what yer doin!
Stay strong ????
Lx
Hi emz66
Welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with an addiction. Its a good place to come and chat to others who are in similar situations.
You are so young, I was sad to read your story. My son has addictions and over the years it’s been hard but I know it was hard for his younger sister.
Having someone in the family with an addiction is very stressful.
I wondered if you had someone in school like a guidance/welfare person who you could talk to confidentially. At least the school would support you a bit more?
It would be good if you had a hobby you were interested in, or if you are sporty, cycling, walking.
My daughter loved musical theatre and joined a group. It helped her with her anxiety and boosted her confidence. I know in some places it may be difficult because of covid. Even a nice walk somewhere pretty or a bus to the seaside. Listening to your favourite songs and dance around your room would be good too ! I’m getting a bit old for that now!
Your dad will still love you, but as others have said, the addiction just takes over their lives and their thoughts and makes them selfish and unfeeling towards people closest to them. Perhaps when he’s most sober let him know you still love him but he’s hurting you all because of his lifestyle.
Only he can make the decision to stop drinking and seek support, it’s the first step to recovery.
In the meantime, look after yourself sweetheart. ❤
Sending hugs
Lx
Hi John J
Welcome to the forum. Im so pleased that you realise that you have an addiction and you are doing something about it. You should be proud of yourself for taking that first step to recovery!
My son is 28 and is fighting alcohol and cocaine addictions. He’s doing well thankfully at the moment, he reached out to CA and AA fellowship for support. For him, this definitely works. He’s made a good set of friends and has support from them pretty much 24/7.
He’s had to steer clear of his old friends for fear of relapses. He has to abstain completely from alcohol as this triggers the need for cocaine.
I wondered if any of your family know or close friends, as i think you need to confide in someone close in my opinion. But the fellowship are a wonderful support if not.
There are other people here in recovery and lots of people who have loved ones with addictions.
Take care John and I wish you well in your battle with addiction.
Keep posting and let us know how you’re doing ????
Stay strong
Lx
It was TY85 from this forum who set it up after she sadly lost her son to addiction.
He died around Christmas so I think she set it up around then . I just googled 38degrees then Harsher sentences for Drug Dealers or something similar.
There definitely needs to be something more done for people with substance abuse and addictions, and mental health issues. It breaks my heart to see stories like yours and hers.
Lx ❤
Hi Kate, I also prayed and lit a candle in memory of your son at 12.45.
You are always in my thoughts, I wish I knew what to say to make things better for you. He’s free of torment and worries now, I wish they had harsher prison sentences for drug dealers- I already signed a petition on 38 degrees.
Take care of yourself Kate, seek counselling support that others have suggested if you need to.
Sending love
Lx
Kate – you are in my thoughts and prayers ❤ ❤
Lxx
Kate, I wanted to you to know that you and you family have been in my thoughts and prayers.
I pray that your unconditional love for your son will get you through tomorrow. I’ll be lighting a candle in his memory at 12.45.
I know he’ll be so proud of you all.
Stay strong my sister ❤ and I know all your sisters on this thread will be with you in spirit.
Sending you all my love and support ❤
Lxx
Hi Em
I’m glad that you’re getting help from the social worker, that’s a good start.
I guess this is a difficult time for your aunt, so many changes. And she has recently lost her husband.
With my relative’s dementia, she liked routine. Her weight also went up and down. Before the carers were organised, I used to visit her regularly and set out her tops and trousers, let her choose between two that matched. Still giving her a bit of control, then set them out for the carer to dress her in the morning. She didn’t like the carers at first, but she soon got used to them and I met them too.
We used to make a point of taking her out for a meal every Sunday and looked forward to it.
The hospital had a dementia group they took twice a week, she wasn’t sure at first, but she got used to it and enjoyed the company. The Social work could possibly tell you what’s available. My relative gradually had mobility issues so she was happy to get out the house. I know that there will be moments of frustration but I guess they’re just frightened.
Things will get better, you will both get used to this different situation. The bills will have to wait until POA is organised.
Find time for yourself when you can.
Always here to chat.
Lx
Hi Em73
Welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one with addictions. I understand that this must be a very stressful situation for you.
I was in similar situation with an elderly relative. She drank way more than I was aware, then was diagnosed with vascular dementia.
While she was mobile, she used to buy alcohol and hide it.
She needed a detox too. But because she had dementia and not proper in control of her own decisions, we got power of attorney (UK). She basically had to go along with what we said was best for her and we had the doctor and social worker on our side then.
I also contacted a local Carer Centre, who help the carers of vulnerable people. They told me where and who to seek help and support. They gave me times and places of various support centres.
I know it’s exhausting but please remember to look after yourself.
The Icarus trust posts here too, they could possibly help you.
Take care, let us know how you’re doing.
Lx