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Hi JR my son also uses weed and still lives at home so I know how you feel . It’s horrible watching them self destruct isn’t it ? I’ve learned over the last few years that I can’t fix him no matter how hard I try . Paying his debts and bailing him out won’t work it makes things worse . I stopped giving him money . I gave him rules that he has to stick by if he wants to continue living at home . Things have slowly improved . Is he “fixed ” no he isn’t and I doubt wether he ever will be . It’s his choice not mine . My husband has had two heart attacks in the last few months in part due to stress . I will never give up hope for my son … He’s a lovely person but boy does he have his demons . He has been of work for 2 months with anxiety and stress but refused to take prescribed medication ! He went back to work 3 weeks ago . I guess it’s s start . You have to put yourself first and stop bailing him out easier said than done I know . It’s hard work but worth it . I used to repeat the serenity prayer over and over again when things where really bad ( he was arrested for driving while stoned ) he smashed doors threw things screamed abuse at me . Tell trusted friends or family if you can .. I kept it hidden for so long once I started telling people it got easier . Is there a counselling service near you . I screwed up all my courage and went to a group meeting it was the absolute best thing I ever did .
Big hugs
Lolipop xxHi Amber .. My son smokes a lot of skunk he is a bit younger than your lad and he still lives at home . In my heart I know I should ask him to leave but I just don’t have the strength or courage . Weed has taken my son from me and left a shadow in his place .y heart aches with sadness for him . Nothing I say or do will change him I have learnt to accept it .. It still hurts though . Just wanted you to know someone understands what your going through ( the lies the rambling conversations mood swings unreasonable demands etc ) my thoughts are with you and everyone who has to live with the destruction drugs cause
Love Lolipop xxHi lyn
My sons smokes weed and has done to my knowledge for around 2 years. He’s probably been doing longer than that . He too says he uses it to help with his anxiety and stress . He also has been verbally aggressive punched walls put holes in doors and generally caused havoc and heartbreak in our home . He still lives with us and at times this can be difficult . However I decided around 18 months ago enough was enough I changed the way I dealt with his problem . We don’t lend him any money at all we refuse to put up with his angry out bursts . We have told him toe the line with his behaviour or we will call the police to remove him from the home . I found a wonderful support group for families and friends of addicts … They saved me ! I really can’t emphasise enough how important it is too find support . It’s difficult to take that first step but boy is it worth it !! The first meeting I went to I remember thinking how has my life come to this ! I was embarrassed and ashamed now I realise it happens to all sorts of people … We didn’t cause it’s not something we did wrong that makes our addicts behave like this . The only person you can “save” is ourselves Do something for you find a group or support worker who can talk you through things . I remember my support worker talking about domestic abuse she kept repeating it when she had gone I realised why .. Because I had become a victim of it ! I was terrified of everything scared to say no to him scared to say yes scared to say anything because he would rage at me. It took a long time before things changed but they have and I’m in such a good place now . My life’s not perfect but it’s 100 % better than it was .
Take care
Love LolipopHi I feel for you I really do . It’s a horrible thing to have to go through . My son smokes a lot of skunk and sometimes gets very aggressive and depressed . He still lives at home which can be difficult at times . He has been arrested a couple of times and banned from driving for 18 months . I have stopped bailing him out … I don’t give him any money at all . He’s upto his eyes in debt I have no idea how much he owes ! I have stopped giving him moneyand I have stopped obsessing over him it destroys me and steals all my happiness . there are no easy answers . Once I realised it wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t make him stop i started to think about what I could change . Its soul destroying to watch our loved ones do this to themselves . Addiction is a horrible disease .
Sending you a virtual hug
Love Lolipop xxFirst off you sound so sad . Your post could be from my son that’s exactly how he is . The only difference is you want to stop using weed oh how I wish my son would have the same understanding of his situation . I think it’s going to be hard work for you but just think of the positive way your life will improve ! Have you contacted a drug support group you can’t do this on your own its sounds to me like you need professional help . Did your doctor offer you any help ? If not see a different doctor . Where I live we have lots of help for people like you looking to make changes I don’t know if your lucky enough to have access to these types of support .. It will be so good if you could contact someone and just speak to them please try . I hate to think of you suffering and I’m sure your family and fiancé feel the same .
Best wishes
LolipopHi .. There are no easy answers and no one can “make ” your son better only he can do that . What you can do is stop giving him money and bailing him out its the only way he will ever learn . I know how difficult it can be to say no to them when they are screaming abuse at you and smashing up your home .. I’ve been there ! Be kind to yourselves you deserve peace in your home and your life . In my darkest days I wished I’d never had my son and felt it would better if he was gone altogether from our lives ive even thought I would be better off dead . It’s heartbreaking to watch our loved ones destroy themselves . Like your son mine can be lovely funny and kind but oh my when he wants his weed he is like a man possessed . I contacted a support group for families affected by addiction and go regularly to meetings it helps to talk especially to people who really understand how awful it is to live like this . The relief I felt telling people how things really were in my home was enormous no one at my meetings judges anyone we just listen and talk . It’s a long road to walk but with support things will get better . Please speak to someone contact your gp they maybe able to give you contact numbers or check out the support pages on here .
Love LolipopHi , your post was mine last year so I understand how you feel I just wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there ! I spent my first Christmas without my son .. I went to familys and he stayed at home and got totally stoned . .. I spent the whole day trying to be cheerful and happy inside I was screaming . It was very difficult but I got through it and in a way I think it helped me realise how much control over my life I had given away to my son . nothing I say will help you feel better about the day I’m really sorry sending you a massive hug and really hope you manage to find some happiness on the day xxxxx
Hi .. I wish I could go back to when I first found out my son was experimenting with drugs , I would certainly do something about it . Speak to your doctor they can help find some counselling for you and your beautiful daughter . You need to do something now about this . Don’t assume it’s a phase and she’ll grow out of it . You can help your daughter make good healthy choices for her life please do it and prevent her going down the path of self destruction that many of us on this forum have witnessed with our own loved ones . Sending you a hug . Be strong for your daughter xxx
Hi Lisa Jane you are far to young to have to deal with this situation , I’m an adult and find it horrendous at times you need to get some support for yourself . Is there a teacher at school you can talk to ? Or maybe childline maybe able to help find you some support ..its anonymous so please give them a call . Your mom is probably struggling as well and needs help . Please speak to someone and soon you can’t deal with this alone it’s too big for you sweetheart . Take care of yourself xxxx
Hello I read your post and really feel for you . You are not responsible for the choices your dad makes and neither are you responsible for “fixing ” him . He has made some bad choices in his life you don’t have to put up with them sweetheart , you deserve your own life and happiness . No one can tell you what to do only you will have to live with your choices much the same as your dad lives with his .. When the disease of addiction is active it’s s terrible thing for families and loved ones to witness . You can’t fix your dad only he can do that and he has to really want too . I’m sure you know all this in your heart , be kind to yourself you deserve it I’m sorry I’m not more help but there really is no easy answer for any of us . Take care, Lolipop xx
Hi .. Your post could have been my own 12 months ago ! I understand exactly how you feel . My son smokes the dreaded skunk all the while and still lives at home he too was aggresive and confrontational he was arrested and charged with driving while unfit and banned for 18 months . I finally took steps to take back my life I phoned a drug addiction help centre got a councellour and attended family support meetings . I too have a daughter who is now 18 I arranged for her to see a young persons councillor through our local drug support charity it helped her tremendously . My son still lives at home I am just not ready to ask him to leave but I working on it ! He no longer screams shouts throws things or demands money he doesn’t use in our home I have told him over the last few years I love him with all my heart I wish he would seek help if he does look like he’s going to kick off I have told him I will ring the police and have him removed from ou r home . He his respectful to all of us I hope someday he will take steps to change but I doubt it ! I don’t have any answers sorry but know that I understand how you sending you a hug xx
Addiction is a terrible thing for anyone especially a child who has no understanding or control over what is happening to their family . I am so sorry that you had such s horrible time growing up . You deserve to be happy in your adult life and you have made some really good healthy choices for yourself. Please go and speak to someone about how your feeling they can help you continue with your recovery and build on all your hard work . Sadly your parents May never have your strength and quiet courage to change but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy . By sharing your story on here you give hope to people like me who like me have a loved one who struggles with addiction I wish you great joy and happiness in your life take care
Love lollipop xxxI am so pleased that things are going well for you and your son . I really hope he continues to grow and learn a better way of living his life. You should be proud of yourself too .. You never gave up even when things where very difficult . I live in hope that one day this will happen for my family . Thank you for sharing with us xx
What a great response to your son , I think that’s a really great way of showing your support but not taking too much on yourself . I wish I could be the same sometimes I say nothing because I’m just to unsure of what the right thing is to say . It really does sound like your son has an understanding of his situation and what some of his down falls could be . Hope he stays that way . You’ve done brilliantly xx
Swiftly I know how you feel I was diagnosed with IBS around 6 weeks ago but have been in a lot of pain for several months . Our sons addiction causes us untold emotional and it seems physical pain . Take care xx