[Lozzy80]

Thank you purple heart

I’m doing ok. True to form he is on a huge week long binge. Im learning the art of not giving a f now. And I think I’m ready to leave.

 

Hope all is well with you xx

[Lozzy80]

Hi Navy

Thank you for posting to let us know how you are doing , so pleased to hear you are moving on and putting yourself first. Whilst it must be so painful and difficult,  you are free now to live your life and not be dragged down any longer.

You are an inspiration,  I hope this year I can do the same for myself..  I am emotionally checking out bit by bit ..and can see things a lot more clearly now

Wishing you all the best for your future

L x

[Lozzy80]

I honestly think time to walk away (I need to take my own advice).  There are some many reasons why we stay or have put up with their poor behaviour for so long

For me it’s been a strange long process… have had what it thought was my final straw a few times.

I stayed and I bitterly regret it. It gets harder and more complicated , it feels to.me anyway, to break free from them the longer it goes on

I hope you find your peace soon xx

[Lozzy80]

Hi Tanga

Honestly you are better off without him. I’m so sorry you clearly really love (loved?) Him. It spirals and spirals with their addiction and it’s nothing but he’ll I wish I’d left or he left me a long time ago… but nothing is shifting him now….hes let his physical and mental health decline so bad , and has practically dragged me down with him

So please don’t look back , the fact he is in prison at the moment says it all…  he is with someone younger who will stand for his bull shit….for now.

I’m so sorry .. I hope in 2025 you can focus on healing yourself , and move on living a much better life … and one day, hopefully soon, you will realise how much better life is without that stress in it.

 

[Lozzy80]

Hi Thistim3

Hope you managed to enjoy your Christmas. It feels cruel that they can overshadow or ruin what should be a special time spent with our loved ones.

 

I agree with making alternative plans. I usually would do this but felt trapped by his supposed care needs this year.  But longer term it was a huge wake up call… they dont give a damn about our needs it’s all about them and perhaps it’s way past time we now do the same and put ourselves first

 

 

[Lozzy80]

Hello all

 

It’s been an awful start to 2025 and I can’t believe what has been happening it’s as though it’s a nightmare I just haven’t woke up from.

Basically hit crisis point during christmas break with my family. His mask was well and truly off for all to see… he was nasty and controlling towards me..this was all following significant deteriorating health after his binge so soon after major surgery (f’ing idiot) and he took no accountability for himself and put it all on me , in front of my very shocked and bewildered family.

things settled a little after getting some treatment but now can sense he is ramping things up again and I just know v soon he will be back to his binges…and it will be the horrible cycle all over again – using , followed by health crises and abuse…whilst still refusing to accept that his C use was probably a major factor for the health complications be now has

My mum has begged me to leave him., I have never seen her so upset and I’m so gutted….I now feel guilty and shame she had to witness his vile behaviour.   I am still with him for now feeling trapped and put of a sense of duty…as its just expected I am supposed to care for him as he does have poor mental.health and now physical health…. but I’m struggling so much.. i know some of his helplessness is deliberate, and he is being so demanding for my assistance with a his personal, physicsl and mental health needs….i mean literally everything…but deep down i know many of these tasks he could do for himself but he has a way of making me do it all for him.

I feel so trapped and stupid..how can I walk out on him when he needs so much help..  and now he is currently sober too….I guess it’s only a matter of time before he’s off the rails again and at that stage…he’s able to go out and score drugs then he is absolutely fine to look after himself.   But for now I am struggling to cope , and due to the stress I keep snapping back and it’s just so toxic.  I am having to take a lot of time off work.  I am so drained.

 

[Lozzy80]

Hi Frazzlepop

Sorry you and your family still suffering due to your brothers disgusting behaviour.  My husband has displayed such cruel horrible selfish traits himself, and yes can be whether sober or intoxicated.  This year has been by far the worst. I think its once the mask is truly fully off they go past the point of caring.

My husband has today proved again just how badly addiction has taken hold of him…just a day out of hospital and he’s getting his fix this eve…  so now I really know he is beyond the point of no return.. in times goes by he would always put his health first

 

Time for me to really think about how to leave now in 2025, for my own sanity and a better life.

 

Wishing you and everyone here a peaceful Christmas …hoping 2025 brings brighter days for us all xx

[Lozzy80]

Hey 💜

There’s been so much happening. I did leave home v briefly which helped give mg head a wobble. I’ve returned home but feel a bit better knowing my boundaries and holding onto the peace I felt when I was away

Counselling was ok helped lay some foundations but it was perhaps not as effective as could be if was out if the relationship and moving on.

So much happening though , husband having some of his own life events at moment.  He is still using and I’m learning to accept that’s his choice, I am trying not to get wrapped up with his issues now and carry on about my own life. It’s still hard to do at times but something has definitely changed inside me ..  not saying I’m totally uncaring now just not willing to let his chaos drag me so far down to the absolute depths of despair that I haved experienced the past few years.

 

I also found reaching out to my closest friends and family, without going into detail about the addiction, just the behaviour n mental health side of things , has helped me a lot..helped me to realise I’m not a bad person and that I must take better care if myself

Hope all is well with you 🙏

 

[Lozzy80]

Actions speak louder than words. They will only kick their addiction if they really want to , and get the help they need.

My husband is also conflicted…or maybe not even conflicted and just fakes wanting to stop so he gets what he wants – £ or to ensure I’m not going to leave and then it’s since repeat

I’m so fed up with it all now. I am really struggling with boundaries…I feel like a doormat…things have really escalated this yr more around how he treats and speaks to me …the coke has changed him but also was this the real him now not giving a crap … Who knows.. will check out YouTube for that channel

[Lozzy80]

Over 5 years ago I was still very much in love with my husband and clinged onto the old him and hope he would sort himself out.

He calmed down his use ever so slightly and continued to hold down his job. Still lots of horrible binges and the aftermath to deal with

It slowly got worse. Then about a year ago I really started to see a change. Given up on life basically. And my own health issues now to deal with have really made me realise he has no where near the level of love or care for me that I’ve shown him all these years.

In the last 6 months things have become so unbearable but I have been trapped not sure what way to turn. He has to trump my needs and health issues if ever I try to speak jo about struggling…and I mean really really struggling now. Instead he resents me, I have added some sort of guilt to his using…

..he is now barely recognisable…there’s a nastiness about his moods now …taunts and goads me constantly so I’m almost relieved when he uses and then becomes a nicer person for a breif moment.

 

I’m feeling sick to the core. I want to escape but the manipulation is so so strong…he has been taking overdoses when i even hint at not standing for it anymore….if I leave I know he will do some real damage and that’s the only reason why I haven’t left.

 

I have just started counselling and I have had a few positive moments as a result .. but as the days pass after each session …the despair creeps back in. I am at a loss of what to do.  I have had the role of carer for him forced upon me….but health services etc don’t know he’s an addict… All they will see is me as this evil wife who has abandoned him . I am not even sure if I could be prosecuted if I leave him as he is making out to be so vulnerable . I did contact the mental health team on an occasion where he was threatening to overdose and all they said was call NHS111 or 999…but he said if I do that he will flee the house and definitely make sure he’s dead before they get to him.

So at this stage I don’t think it’s lovely or Stockholm syndrome keeping me here….it’s pure fear of what the consequences will be for leaving

[Lozzy80]

Just seen we don’t have the private messaging option on this forum.  I am still here anyhow to listen and you are certainly not alone.

In another post a member recommended co anon. I am thinking of joining that …I think it definitely helps to be able to talk to others who are going through this

[Lozzy80]

update on my situation.

My counselling has finally started and it’s good to have a whole hour once a week focusing on me, thinking about my own needs and what I need to do to get these met.

Situation with my husband is severely bad I don’t know how elseto describe it.. but I can no longer spend all my time focusing on how to make him or put marriage better.

 

All my energy focused on him is destroying me now, so it needs to stop. It’s so hard to watch the person you love chose to destroy themselves but there has to come a point we have to save ourselves.

 

I need to be there for me, and my other family and friends who love me.

 

[Lozzy80]

Lottier

Sorry you and your daughter are going through this, sadly I’ve not advice for your situation on shared parenting. I know of friends in difficult shared parenting situations where the father is difficult but that is putting it mildly for your situation.  His behaviour is manipulative and vindictive towards you and sounds like could be like this with your daughter too, so all your instincts must be screaming to protect your daughter from him.  Emotional abuse is very traumatic, I am going through it myself.

I can only suggest reaching out to women’s aid – Google them there is a helpline and they can hopefully put you in touch with a specialist in abuse who can best advise, including support through the family courts.

Sending you strength and positivity, hope it all gets settled for you very soon, you don’t deserve this crap xx

[Lozzy80]

Feelinglostandalone

I am so sorry. Addiction is a beast and it robs us of the person we loved. I am slowly starting to accept my husband has changed beyond all recognition now. He has lost literally everything and will still relapse and use. They have to really want to recover is what I am learning from various treatment approaches. Until they really want it, nothing will work…they lose their families, friends, jobs, home and self respect all for the white stuff. It’s crazy and heartbreaking

 

We have to focus on our own recovery now.

I really do know the hurt pain trauma of being married to a cocaine addict…in fact I am still livingn in this hell but have been pushed so far I am slowly getting to accept I am done … Don’t hesitate  private message if need to talk xx

[Lozzy80]

Hi Rabbito

That’s great news, sounds like there is hope and life after leaving an addict and suffering trauma that goes with it all. Also thank you for your honesty about the emotions and struggles you are going through after going no contact. You seem to be in a good place and a strong person, you got this…keep going and never look back!

Hopefully I can get free from all this soon…it’s so hard , a lot to sort out and for some unexplained stupid reason part of me still loves him .. but I can’t let this continue, it’s destroying me

[Author]

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