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<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi all</p>
we all sound like we feel so similar. The actions and words don’t add up do they But I guess it’s because they are so conflicted too and then the manipulation that comes with it. God it’s draining!

I’ve watched put the shovel down, it’s good also there’s a page called till the wheels fall off or TWFO, they’re on YouTube, tik tok and full podcasts on podcast app. They’re a couple where the male was the addict and they help partners of addicts and talk very honestly in the podcasts. He talks about the fact he was abusive and manipulative etc and she expresses how she’s recovered from his addiction etc

I need to start Co anon meetings again, I’m on step 4 and work with a sponsor

my partner been out house for 9 weeks now. I haven’t let him back as I couldn’t deal with the cycle anymore. I thought he may see sense and hit rock bottom quick but to be fair he’s living his life at rock bottom and his rock bottom apparently has a basement.

he’s sleeping in peoples houses and in his car and I know he’s really hurt by me

but his behaviour was out of hand

He wants to come home but he’s not started any recovery again this time so that’s been my line but he’s saying that because he’s no where stable to live he can’t get well which is true but he had a home and still didn’t remain sober for any lengths of time.

 

hes not reaching out to anyone in CA or following up rehab application

I’m really worried about him and have been able to learn that I’m not responsible but at same time a part of me feels responsible as he’s lost so much family due to traumatic bereavements.

I’m so scared he will be next and so is he.

I offered to take him to hospital when he called today, he declined

I’m really stuck as to what steps to take as I’m so scared for his life but want to protect myself at the same time.

A part of me feels cruel but I’ve been here so many times and it makes u lose your mind

xx

 

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Hi Frazzle pop

that’s great progress from where things were before.

Let’s hope your family can keep this up to protect themselves and will be a bonus if your brother gets well too as a result but main thing is to keep safe

xx

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Hey Saoirse,

I sent this to Lozzy the other day. May hemp you too:

you should join co anon, for families of cocaine and other kind altering substances. they have zoom meetings on 5 times a week, u can get yourself a sponsor, make new friends who you can reach out to and work the 12 steps to re gain some sanity and clarity.

I’ve been in the meetings 3 weeks and already feel so much calmer and clearer. And most of all not alone anymore.

Type in co anon then click meetings and choose one for the day u wanna join on zoom, u can call one of the numbers on there next to meetings for more information. It’s the family version for cocaine anonymous

xx

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Hi Lozzy,

It’s just awful isn’t it.

must be so hard for u non worrying about divorce, nothing straight forward.

that feeling is awful where u know uv been lured in to the argument so u can be the bad guy! and yes u do Barely recognise them, hard to see them as a good person in the end as they’re showing so much bad

My partner not been in house for nearly a month, is on it most days. Still has a job for now but his colleague’s are all on it too N he misses days or goes off his head

I’ve allowed him back a few odd days here n there n after each bender I’m closing off more n more. He’s flip flopping between he needs help to I’m to blame for his using because of my “nagging “ which is actually pure upset and then asking him to honour the promises and suggestions that HE makes then repeats same behaviour and wonders why I’m so angry and then says that I’m not here for him and he’s an addict but yet he says nothing works and wants  my help for more options. I’ve tried to find every available option for him, he doesn’t completely do what is suggested and then obviously it doesn’t work

How can we be there for people showing so little regard for us? It’s hard.

Our intimacy is now destroyed, which makes him feel rejected as if it’s my fault n then I’m scared I will be ditched ????‍♀️

I’m feeling stronger in last few weeks though and friends have noticed a change in me, I’m calmer.

theres a zoom co anon at 7pm this eve of you or anyone interested. Go on the site, click meetings and scroll to the day to get meeting Id. U can also call up the phone number attached to the specific meeting for more information.

Good luck xxx

 

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Hi Lozzy

I really feel for you.

the upset their addiction causes they will never understand. Maybe one day if they get clean.

you should join co anon, for families of cocaine and other kind altering substances. they have zoom meetings on 5 times a week, u can get yourself a sponsor, make new friends who you can reach out to and work the 12 steps to re gain some sanity and clarity.

I’ve been in the meetings 3 weeks and already feel so much calmer and clearer. And most of all not alone anymore.

Xxxx

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Hi I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.

you can join co-anon support for family members or partners of addicts. you can join the zoom meetings 5 days a week.
You can do ur own 12 step recovery and get a sponsor for yourself. You will learn to focus on you and stop enabling etc whether or not you chose to stay together.  It may give you some strength talking to other women in your situation.

good luck

Xxx

 

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When the threat of losing her children presents she will have an option to ask your brother to leave and work with services or by letting him stay she will be deemed as putting her children at a level of risk.

This again could be the catalyst for her to make the changes needed for the family

Are social services already involved?

x

 

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This sounds an unlivable  situation.

i really hear your anger, the fact that you are holding everything together and helping keep a roof over everyone’s heads and you’ve got your brother behaving awfully and your mum enabling because she’s too scared to put her foot down and rock the boat.

in a sense by you staying there you are enabling them all, if you left your mum would soon see she cannot carry on in this situation and she would hit her rock bottom which I know you are scared of because of worrying she will have a breakdown and not cope financially. This could be the turning point for her.
Also must be so tough for you to leave as you want to protect your disabled brother.

I think the next time he kicks off. Call the police and also call social services re the abuse towards your disabled brother. Maybe call social services first so they have a log of your concerns. Also call police for advice.

What has stopped you all calling police on him so far?

maybe also pack your bags and leave even for a week.

let us know how you get on

xxx

 

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Hi, we’ll done for reaching out.

your children won’t be taken and services won’t be notified if you go private I’m pretty sure as I called a few private rehabs for my partners family member.

Maybe make a start and call some up, and explain you’d situation or say you are calling for someone else and explain your fears re the children. The ones I spoke to said they will not notify services though

good luck xx

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does anyone feel that the trust broken stops you wanting to be intimate as often?

I just feel so hurt a lot with broken promises that I completely close off and by the time I feel comfortable and my barriers are down, become intimate it just all happens all over again. Back to square one!!! Me telling him not to even hug me but secretly wanting him to still try, him feeling like rubbish and wanting affection etc telling me he doesn’t hurt me on purpose and he’s sorry

round and round in this painful circle

Xx

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Hi frazzlepop

this sounds absolutely unbearable. The disrespect and entitlement must me awful to live with.

Sounds to me like your brother may possibly suffer with borderline personality disorder, some of the traits you describe mixed with the substance misuse sound very similar.

Ur mum must be a mess and can’t bear him there but the thought of him out the house scares her too. I really do empathise

everyone need to stop enabling him. Why should he be your eating food when he can’t be asked to sign on and contribute.
let him have tantrums and hopefully he will get arrested or sectioned and may realise he needs help, or may blame all of you!

it’s so soul destroying when u put a boundary in for all and then they just up the anti or flip the blame and play victim

I feel your pain regarding Christmas. I’m dreading mine getting ruined too

if he touches u again get him arrested

xxx

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<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi worried mum,</p>
im sorry to hear what you are going through.

CA is an abstinence based program meaning staying clean off all substances.

CA online meetings are free too.

You can call the CA phone line, number on Google to ask how the program works

addiction is such a sneaky thing!

good luck xxx

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Hi bumblebee, I think the baby should be fine as it was a one off and the baby is quite developed however I wouldn’t risk it again and the dangers of your child being physically or mentally damaged if you continue use, which is a high chance.

you should contact CA and they can help you find local meetings I think it’s really important for you that you tackle your addiction so that you reduce your chances of relapse again whilst pregnant or after the baby is born.

you can also go to your gp for drug service referral but I understand this may be scary for you, defo try CA/cocaine anonymous

good luck xxx

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Do you have a sponsor or attend a drug service? Maybe go on to YouTube and look up EFT/tapping for cravings and see if it helps. It’s a type of meditation where you tap on acupressure points and it helps calm nervous system.

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The disappearing is one of the most awful things they do when using. It completely damages trust. It feels so cruel.

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