[EllieMae12]

I can understand your deep sadness, twenty years plus is a long time to share your life with someone.  As you say you could do no more and I think many of us here would probably say the same of our own experience, so why do we feel so sad?  The closer you are to someone and the longer you are with them the more it hurts and the more frustrated we feel, even though we know we have done everything we can. You have made a courageous decision – I don’t know if you have any family to support you, I hope so.  Most of us come on here as we are all in similar situations – and sometimes it is a bit of a relief to communicate with people who can really relate to what is happening to us.  I think most of us feel emotionally and physically drained and it can certainly be a very lonely place to be in these situations.  All I can say is that you are not alone and this is a site at least where we can come together and voice our thoughts.  Post any time you do feel lonely and know that many of us here are in similar situations where we feel at our wits end, it may be a husband, a son, mother etc. who has the problem but we all understand the heartache and devastation that their addictions cause.

[EllieMae12]

Please don’t apologise.  Although we are all strangers here we are mums and dads who – unfortunately have one thing in common.  I’m not surprised your mental health is so bad and like you I have cried and cried to the point of exhaustion when alone.  None of us has the answers and I am trying to accept what my son said a few weeks ago that I couldn’t fix him nor was it my job, it was up to him.  Of course it’s natural to try.  He is still trying, did come and do the diy jobs he promised to do a couple of days ago.  I am sorry that everyone is having such a bad time and it does seem at the moment that there is no way out.  All we can do I think is tell them that we love them and listen when they want to talk and hope that somehow there will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel that we are all in and that they will see that light and make a better life for themselves.  Please post again everyone just to rant or talk – let’s support each other.

[EllieMae12]

Hi,  I am new to this site and just read your post.  Looking at the date years have past.  What is the situation like now?

My son has a problem with substance abuse and some drink.  I can feel your desperation and hopelessness.  As you say you are not trying to be a saint – you are a mum trying to save your sons life.  These addictions ruin so many peoples lives.  I don’t take drugs so why is it ruining my life?  I am a mum and wish I could just cut this situation out of my life but unfortunately I’m not a robot so can’t stop feeling – it would be easier if we could.  Like you I wonder what it would be like to have a ‘normal life’.  I do hope things have improved for you and your son over these years and I know it’s a lonely place to be.

[EllieMae12]

Hi,  I am glad you have had the weekend away from him and I know that’s not easy to do.  I think we have become so entangled in their lives that we feel we always have to be there, on stand by, in case ‘something’ happens – I feel like I am constantly waiting and on edge.  I feel I am walking a very thin line between sanity and insanity most of the time.  As you say it gives you a bit of headspace if nothing else- I hope you managed to enjoy that a little bit. I try – I went to a show at the weekend that my grand daughter took part in and that was a few hours of music and colour and uplifting.  My son is doing a couple of jobs for me in the house although not finished them yet.  He can turn his hand to all sorts of things and capable of lots but over the years he has slowly lost all confidence in himself, feels useless and does not come to any family get togethers now as he says he feels ashamed and can’t face them.  This is a sad state of affairs.  Does your son live quite near to you?  Thank you for your kind assurance that I am not alone – I think communicating with other mothers like yourself is a comfort.  Please post again on here and let me know how things are even if nothing much changes or maybe your son may just have ‘one good day’ now and again.  That will be something, an achievement in itself we have to celebrate these small things now.  Bye for now.

[EllieMae12]

You have made a very brave choice.  When it’s a son or a daughter it’s the hardest thing to do no matter what their age, they are still our children.  However, you have done everything you could do for 12 years and need to try and look after yourself.  Please update us at some point and tell us what the situation is like now.

[EllieMae12]

I am new on here and like you go through a torrent of feelings of, anger, rage, sadness, hopelessness. guilt.  I have another adult child who has not gone down this path so how did this happen you wonder when you have been a decent parent, not perfect, who is?  I am also at an age where I thought I may have some peace in my life, but it’s not looking likely – it’s hell.  If any of us had the answer we wouldn’t be posting on here.  Although I have some good family support sometimes you need to talk and share with another parent in the same position.  All we can do is try and support each other and live in hope.

[EllieMae12]

I am also new to this site.  I think the idea is that we just share stories and feelings on here.  Are you a mum of someone with a problem as I am?  I think all we can do is give moral support, it helps a bit to feel you are not so alone.

[EllieMae12]

Yes when nothing you do seems to help, you really do feel hopeless.  Whether it’s your child, husband etc it would be much easier if we didn’t have emotions, unfortunately we do and unfortunately that’s what makes it so hard to walk away.  I wish there was a simple answer to this but of course there is not, so all we can do is listen and write our feelings down here -it does make one feel that you are not quite alone in this.

[EllieMae12]

Hi, It was nice to get your reply.  Yes sometimes you feel so alone even though you are not, but I feel such despair and helplessness as there just doesn’t seem to be an answer.  That makes it difficult to see anything beyond this.  Can I ask how long your loved one has had this problem?

[EllieMae12]

I understand your anger and frustration I really do. In my case it is a grown adult child. I feel I have given lots of love and support and now am mentally drained, how much more can we give? Unfortunately their addiction seems to blind them to the fact that we are human beings. not machines. I wish I could give you a solution but I am just like you, I feel I have tried everything.
I am new to this site and whilst I don’t have any answers I can only hope that writing down our thoughts and talking to each other can help us all keep our sanity.

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