Chat to others

Talk about your experiences with others.

When it comes to a loved one's drug or alcohol use families can sometimes feel lost or struggle to express themselves. Our forum gives you the opportunity to share and discuss your feelings in a safe environment.

Please do not disclose any personal or contact information such as telephone numbers on this forum. Adfam will remove any such content. Please note that anything that raises a safe-guarding or confidentiality concern may be removed and acted upon.  

Please note this forum is specifically for families affected by someone else's substance use, and posts should relate to this narrative. Posts that don't relate may be removed by the moderator. This includes posts relating to someone's own substance use. 

Adfam takes no responsibility for the quality or content of the responses.

Share Your Story

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I feel frustrated..... by

I have started a new relationship about 6 months ago, only to find out that he is a prescription drug user or even more that I don’t know about, it’s mainly all coming to light recently with his behaviour and being around him more, he is not working at the moment and I’m working full time he often ask me for money which I tend to give him and I running him around places he need to go. He has massive withdrawal symptoms so I’ve even took him to his drug supplier and waited in the car why he did what he needed to do. But these are the things you do when u actually fall in love with someone. Think today 28/2/19 is the final straw when he received his dole money and I went to work and when I called home for my lunch he has gone and disappeared so I guess I won’t see him now until his dole money runs out and comes back saying his sorry and he wants help and asks me not to give up on him and starts with the guilt up on me !!! Because this is a fairly new relationship for me and I don’t know how to cope with his behaviours and I’ve not told anybody about his addiction I have nobody to talk too x

New to this! by

My husband left myself and our two children in December as he was misusing alcohol and prescription meds. He has been an user for many years and this is his 3rd relapse. Previously I have supported him through his relapses but due to the severity of his actions this time, I can not help him any more as I need to focus on my two kids. He currently is not making contacting with his kids and I have been told that he is not well enough to have unsupervised visits or calls with the kids. He is also type 1 diabetic due to his addiction and apparently he has been told if he continues his outcome will not be good. I would really benefit to speak to others that have or going through the same situation. I just need to know I am doing the right thing of not?

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New to this! by

My husband left myself and our two children in December as he was misusing alcohol and prescription meds. He has been an user for many years and this is his 3rd relapse. Previously I have supported him through his relapses but due to the severity of his actions this time, I can not help him any more as I need to focus on my two kids. He currently is not making contacting with his kids and I have been told that he is not well enough to have unsupervised visits or calls with the kids. He is also type 1 diabetic due to his addiction and apparently he has been told if he continues his outcome will not be good. I would really benefit to speak to others that have or going through the same situation. I just need to know I am doing the right thing of not?

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Drugs, alcohol and mental health

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Codeine abuse? by

I’m currently going through a reduction regime as I became addicted to Codeine about 10 months ago. I started the reduction on 28 30mg tablets a day and I’m now on 5. I was just wondering whether it is normal to feel some sort of withdrawal? Even though you’re still taking it? I reduce 30mg every 2 weeks so it is a slow process but I can feel the difference. Im also afraid I’ll miss the feeling of the euphoria which I tend to crave and I don’t want to end up relapsing. I’m just looking for support to help me towards realising that being under the influence of Codeine doesn’t need to be my way of life. I became addicted to codeine because I endured a traumatic birth of my daughter and ended up with a second degree tear of the muscles in my birth canal then followed by various infections which were incredibly painful. I was stitched up and prescribed Codeine for the pain and discharged the next day. It was then that I realised that it took away and masked post natal depression and made me what I thought feel happier and less tired. And obviously as I grew tolerate to opioids I felt I had to keep increasing the dose and it just escalated from there. It’s not a way of life I want for myself but I find it difficult to imagine life without it ????

Struggling to know what's right by

Hi, I'm not too sure how to start this, or know what to say exactly... I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and hes got alcohol issues. It wasn't so bad at first but over the years it got worse, then better, now worse again. I've always been there for him, celebrating the small steps hes taken and been a shoulder to cry on when hes had bad days. He struggles with sevear depression and anxiety which is made worse drinking every night and smoking weed. He says it's the only release he gets from his head and life. Because of this, he doesn't have a job and gets pennies from benefits so we only rely on my wage which isn't a lot and it's made me go into debt, and makes my own depression worse. We argue like cat and dog, things get said and we both end up upset. This last argument we had was over money (which isn't unusual) and he dragged me out of our bed and I flew on the floor because i told him I'm sick of being in debt because of his drinking. This has made me leave. I'm no saint in all of this, I have an addiction to weed as I refuse to drink but smoke weed daily with him, and hes played on that to get what he wants at night despite me saying to him I dont want this life anymore, i want better for us. I also say nasty things towards him when he snaps at me and tells me it's because of me which is why he still drinks/cant stop drinking. I often feel like he is only with me because of me being in work so he has somewhat of a wage to splash on the booze and knows how to get around me to get me to take out loans, something in which I have stopped doing as my debt has gone out of control. I should also point out that he cant take out loans because his credit history is ruined because of his drinking (and before me, gambling) way before we met. The issue is, when things are good, we are good. We laugh, we joke, we are there for each other and are the perfect couple... But I feel like it's all tainted when it gets to 10pm and he goes out to the shop. I feel so alone in all of this because I cant bring myself to tell anyone about his issues as its upto him who to tell. None of my friends or family know anything about his issues. Last year we had about a week break from each other because of his drinking and arguing and i ended up leaving because i got stuck and tired of everything being blamed on me and being told what i can and cant do with my money. I very rarely see any of my friends anymore because I cant afford to go out and do things. I really dont want to give up on him as I can see a future without alcohol, as he was sober for a while and was on a detox program a year or so ago but ended up giving in to temptation. But since then it's almost as if he tells me what I want to hear and then does the opposite or doesn't try and have nights off. I've spoken to him many times as to how I feel and he says he is trying but it's hard. I get this but its still as if he doesn't try. The only time he doesn't drink now is when we have no money left so he cant go and buy alcohol. I just dont know what to do anymore as I'm scared of what will happen if I leave but I cant keep on living my life the way it is anymore. I've just begun what I hope will be an amazing career for me and I dream of owning a house and car, things I now will only find harder because of the debt I now have. I cant lose this job as well because of him either, but I cant lose him because of when we are good. He goes to a councillor and goes to an alcohol support centre, but a lot of the time he cancels last minute because he cant face going unless I force him to go, this happened this morning which started the argument as I was really annoyed he snapped at me when I was trying to get him up saying hes not going. He went, but when he came back the argument continued and what happened, happened. Any advice or help would be really appreciated as this is the first time I've ever spoken about this to anyone other than my own councillor, who said couldn't really help as it's not me who's suffering with alcohol. Thank you.

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Any advice at all by

Ohh I don’t really know where to start. I am a looking for some advice on how I can support my sister who is married to an addict. She is on the verge of having a breakdown and I live 2.5 hours away with a new baby so really limited with how often I can visit. Her husband relapsed when she got pregnant. She now has a little bit of 5 months who she is supporting alone. She kicked her partner out just after the baby was born having found drugs in his clothes and not wanting them around the baby. He would also disappear for days without getting in touch and just getting on it. She has recently just lost her job and so that’s another added stress. She still loved her partner so much and is desperate for him to go and get help. He has tried some groups but is not committed and just fails to go. When he gets paid he will get back on it. She works 60hrs a week and then looks after her little one so feels isolated and alone as stuck in while her husband is out on it and was looking to book a lads holiday away. I call her and message her daily to check she’s ok and to provide as much support as possible. I know her husband has an illness and walking away just isn’t that easy especially when a kid is involved but I don’t know what else I can do to help her. It breaks my heart having her on the phone in tears when he is sending abusive messages or hasn’t turned up on a planned visit. Any help at all on how I can support her through this time and any support I could give her would be great. Also if anyone knows of any support group that allows you to take children please let me know Thank you x

by Dfh

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Bereavement

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I just lost my brother by

Hi all. My brother died earlier this year from alcoholism. He was only in his mid forties and we are all heartbroken. We tried to help him but he locked us out of the house and denied he had a problem. For the last year of his life I think he was drinking every day and after his death we found bottles of vodka in his home which he was obviously drinking neat. I'm having a lot of issues coming to terms with his death and i dont think I ever will. I am trying to understand this addiction that is more powerful than love and family, that drove my successful brother to self destruct. I also cannot understand his denial. How could he pretend that everything was ok when it was clearly not? I would love to hear your stories and if you can help me understand this disease I would be very grateful. Thank you

How to deal with addiction stereotype within the family by

My sister took drugs, mainly heroine, for over 20 years. Then six years ago she accidentally overdosed and passed away. Her children were taken into care and our family settled into a time of grieving; and also I must admit relief. During her time she did things to our family that caused no end of upset, but at the end of the day she was still my sister, so I had to deal with a pull of emotions - hating the addict but loving my sister. In time, and with help, I've come to understand the lack of control a drug addict has over their own behaviour and have forgiven what has passed. This has finally brought me peace and allowed me to move on with my life, without the constant anger and self-protection mechanisms that came to control my own personality. Unfortunately my wife still believes a drug addict is in full control of their destiny and all my sister's actions, including her ultimate death, were her own fault and deserving of no sympathy. She drags up all the bad things my sister did during her life and insists I stop feeling sorry for her. This is now causing old wounds to be reopened for me and is increasing tension within my own family. Does anyone have any advice I can offer my wife so she understands the pain her views are having on me?