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Adfam forum guidelines

We know that if you are affected by someone else’s drug or alcohol use you might feel alone, or as if nobody understands what you are going through. This forum gives you the opportunity to share your feelings regarding your loved one’s substance use, to share experiences and support other people going through similar situations. This is a safe, nonjudgmental environment. There is no right or wrong way to deal with somebody else’s substance use. Everyone’s experience is different, and everyone’s experience is valid.

The views, information, or opinions expressed by those posting on the forum are solely those of the individual users and do not necessarily represent those of Adfam. Adfam takes no responsibility for the quality of responses and comments made on the forum. 

Never share personal contact information

It is very important that no personal information is disclosed on this forum. The forum is a safe place, and sharing personal information, especially contact details, could potentially make the forum a target for people seeking to take advantage of its members. Even if you feel safe around someone, and think you could benefit from one to one conversations, please do not post contact details or ask somebody for theirs. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t share personal stories - the anonymity of the group should allow you to be as open as you are comfortable with without the need to initiate private communication.

Any posts containing contact information or other identifying information will be removed, and repeat posts may lead to your account being blocked.

Posts should relate to the experience of those affected by someone else’s substance use

Please remember that this forum is here to support people affected by somebody else’s substance use. Posts should related to experiences of someone else’s substance use.

Posts solely relating to personal experience of addiction will be removed. If you are looking for support regarding your own substance use, please call any of the following helplines:

Alcohol:

  • Drinkline: 0300 123 1110
  • Alcoholics Anonymous: 0800 9177 650

Drugs:

  • Frank: 0300 1236 600
  • Narcotics Anonymous: 0300 999 1212

Be respectful, supportive and non-judgmental

As everyone using this forum is aware, substance use and family relationships are very sensitive issues. It is important that forum users carefully consider their tone when posting. Always talk from your own experience, and never suggest that somebody else’s attitude or experience is wrong. Please do offer supportive advice, but do not insist that there is one way of doing something.

Posts will be removed if they contain

  • Personal attacks
  • Discriminatory comments
  • Misinformation
  • Links to illegal websites
  • Spam or links to websites promoting/selling anything

Please also be mindful of the original topic of each thread. Try to make sure that conversations are carried out on the relevant thread. This will help people to navigate the forum and find appropriate support, and it will also prevent certain issues from drowning out others.

Thank you very much for joining our forum. These guidelines are for the benefit of our community, and so any posts that do not adhere to all of these guidelines will be removed, and accounts may be blocked.

Share Your Story

2885 threads

18214 posts

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First Time Reaching Out by

Hi, This is the first time I have reached out for help. I’ve been living with the consequences of cocaine addiction for the last 2 years. I knew my partner used recreationally but had assured me he had stopped when we got serious about being together 4 years ago. He didn’t. He used I think recreationally for about 2 years but in Feb 2020 he got a cancer diagnosis (all clear now) and he tells me this is when the abusive use began. He also gambled (around £30k). We own (or owned) a business and would constantly steal money from it (and me one 1 occasion I know about). He is very aware of his addictions and has tried to get help on and off for the last couple of years. He is a good man but has a very dark side (I assume is the addiction) I’m sure a lot of you can relate he is like Jekyl and Hyde. I have asked myself time and time again why I stay and I honestly feel so trapped, no one knows exactly the situation I am in as in I haven’t told anyone. I am so lonely. He believes he needs to go to rehab but running our business and money problems have prevented that. We’ve now lost our business, had to move out of our home, I am personally in thousands of pounds worth of debt because I have been the only one contributing. I used to be so strong, and never imagined I would have put up with so much without walking away. I have no idea what to do, I just wanted somewhere to share my story and let others know that they are not alone.

1 post

Unhappy by

Hi all I found out my husband was taking drugs and it broke my heart. I asked him previously many years ago and he denied it. When I exploded one evening that I new what he was doing and how hurt I felt. I can’t live like this I don’t think he knows how bad he is how this effects his health? His temper,his anger the things he says. I’ve been reading the forum for the passed couple of weeks hoping that he had stopped trying to understand how we go through this with someone we love. he said there were not drugs in the house that he loved me I was his life just to find that white stuff on my units. It’s killing me I love him so much but can’t live like this knowing he is still doing it. Well it came to a row again today and I told him he said there were no drugs and there has been he said where? all over the units!!! I’m devastated I don’t know who he is anymore. He said again I’m his life. I said I love you but this has to stop I’m going to try again but am I being naive? How do you block out what they have done? How do you Turn a new page? How do you cope?

by Navy

56 posts

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

603 threads

5432 posts

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Day 18 cold turkey from codeine and starting to feel like myself by

Just thought I’d put up a post for anyone who’d like to comment or discuss their opiate withdrawal/addiction. As the title says I’m currently on day 18 and starting to feel more like my normal self. I won’t lie it has been fairly difficult but just so people know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The early physical withdrawals are the easiest part believe it or not as it’s nothing compared to the lack of motivation and energy you feel thru out so basically a mild depression. In the first week I thought I’d never get better I couldn’t do anything at all, I couldn’t tend to my 2 children, I couldn’t do any housework, I couldn’t do my job properly, I basically couldn’t get off the settee to do anything and I just thought this sad no motivation low mood was never gunna end but it does guys ! For the last few days I’ve been slowly getting better, I can tend to my kids I can do the housework altho it does tire me out and my thoughts are much happier now i can see myself slowly becoming my normal self again. Don’t get me wrong it is only day 18 and I’m still not sleeping 100% and I do still lack motivation but compared to 1 week ago I am so much better and so could you be. All the best guys and I hope this post helps just 1 person battle thru. I visit this forum daily so I will reply to anyone that wants to chat or swap stories or ask questions etc. :)

by Emmierow

1310 posts

Being with a cocaine addict. by

I need some advice, I have been seeing my bf for a year and have discovered he's a user of cocaine...he takes £30 worth every week without fail sometimes twice a week... he's told me he has a problem and doesn't like doing it but can't seem to stop...we have had issues in the start of our relationship with infidelity and him chatting on fb to random women but as we've got closer he's stopped doing it and happily leaves his phone open in my presence to try and prove to me that I can trust him again. He's a lovely man and we have a very loving relationship and I know he loves me but there is a different side to him when he wants to take it he gets agitated and lies that he hasn't had any as he doesn't want to disappoint me. I've told him to be honest with me as I'd rather know if he was taking it than him hiding away at home alone. His parents don't know and I have been told under no circumstances do I ever tell them as itd break their heart but what do I do? It is always triggered by alcohol he never wants it sober.. he's trying to stay away from his local but his friends go in there and he drives past the place on his way home from work so the temptation is overwhelming for him. He's told me to text him to tell him not to go in to try and help him but in other occasions he tells me that I've put the idea in his head so I feel I'm fighting a losing battle...I don't want to be a nag and I don't want this to destroy us... but I feel it might eventually... the drug makes him incredibly horny at times and if im not there I worry he goes online for satisfaction or or worse he'll cheat on me again one day. How do I have a relationship with this man? Do I stand by him and try to help him off it (he wants to but isn't trying hard enough right now) or at least start by going longer periods without it or do I just accept it and live alongside it and accept this is him... I don't think I can in the long run. I've done research on the drug to try and understand him and how I can help him, he's tried a drug charity but they haven't seemed very helpful surprisingly. Is anyone in the same boat as me? I don't know what to do. He's in his 30s and works i forgot to add... he said he's been taking it on and off for years but it got worse during lockdown and now he's trying to regain control of it again..

by Jinn54

12 posts

Bereavement

22 threads

262 posts

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Lost husband to alcohol by

Hi all So glad I found this forum and hope my ramblings today will make sense to someone out there. I recently lost my husband to alcohol, and although he had other medical issues it was ultimately his drinking that killed him. Since his passing I have gone through many emotions, anger being the predominant one. Angry at him for giving in to it, angry at me for failing him, angry at medical professionals for failing him. Trust me, if I had a milkman I would probably find something to pin on him too. I dealt with his drinking for many years and have tried everything I could to get him to stop and/or seek help. He was getting help to be honest but in the end he thought he could handle it and paid the price. Right now I am very confused and wonder if he ever really cared for me and his family, yes he lied to me for years - part of the illness right? I trained myself to not take his lies, drinking, behaviour, personally but can't help but feel used and mistreated. Aside from myself and our children, none of his family were aware he had an issue and were stunned to find out after his death. I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping his secret but now I am questioning every decision I ever made Sorry for the ramblings, I just need to get these thoughts out and would be interested to know how others cope in a similar situation.

Alcoholic husband lost his dad by

I actually don’t know where to start, my husband has been a alcoholic for a couple years, recently this landed him in hospital with his kidneys, he said this was his wake up call, unfortunately just over a week later he turned back to the drink, and it got steadily worse till I had to go to my parents as I couldn’t take the arguments and the drunken threats and behaviour. My farther in law lived with us and while I was say they had many arguments about the drinking, then unfortunately one night last week my husband found him dead on the sofa, he rang me and i came back to help him and try get us back on track, it has got him hard which is understandable but the drinking is getting to much again, me and his friends are trying to help and get him to get professional help. It’s at a point now my 4 year old says daddy has drank to much, I don’t know how much more stress I can deal with as I am trying to take care of two kids, be there for my husband, keep money coming in to pay bills, also on a side note my husband hasn’t been work in nearly a month so facing getting fired.

Anyone out there? by

I don't know if there are any active members on here. It's a shame, I'm struggling to find support anywhere, does anyone else find this? I am 31, my father has been an alcoholic all my life, my mother's drink problem began when I was around 9 years old and got gradually worse. My parents were separated when I was around 3 years old, I always lived with my mother and as I got older and the drinking became worse so I felt I had to stay with her until the age I am now due to being so fearful of her not being able to look after herself, falling over, or doing something stupid like setting the place on fire when trying to cook. and leaving the front door open (happened often). I recently nearly lost my dad because of the alcohol and he was in a coma for a few weeks, I visited every day and as he deteriorated quickly the hospital called me in the middle of the night to go and say my goodbyes to him because they didn't think he would last the night. Anyway,somehow, he miraculously recovered in the week after that and went home. I went to stay with him and cared for him (he lived down the road from me and my mother's home). My routine was..I would wake up, sort my father's breakfast out and make lunch ready for him, go to work, then after work, go to my mother's to cook dinner, then back to my dad's to do him and me a dinner again. My mother then suddenly became severely depressed about me leaving and refused to eat but would continue to drink. I went to see my mother after work one evening and she was in a lot of pain and unable to move. I called an ambulance and that was the last time I ever had her home. She passed away from acute pancreatitis and multiple organ failure due to the alcohol. I am struggling so so bad to come to terms with the loss and the absolute guilt. I'm now in mother's home again but it is empty without her (I am being kicked out soon enough anyway but still..). I'm just so heartbroken. She lived such a sad life. I still care for my father, but even for him, I thought perhaps after him nearly losing his life and knowing alcohol killed my mother he would stop but he continues to drink and smoke heavily. I've spent all my life dedicating time and care into my parents, I've never had a life of my own but even with the chance I would just be riddled with grief, hurt and guilt. I mean this is a very brief outline of the story, I could have gone on and on. Writing is kinda therapeutic in a way

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