Chat to others

Talk about your experiences with others.

Adfam forum guidelines

We know that if you are affected by someone else’s drug or alcohol use you might feel alone, or as if nobody understands what you are going through. This forum gives you the opportunity to share your feelings regarding your loved one’s substance use, to share experiences and support other people going through similar situations. This is a safe, nonjudgmental environment. There is no right or wrong way to deal with somebody else’s substance use. Everyone’s experience is different, and everyone’s experience is valid.

The views, information, or opinions expressed by those posting on the forum are solely those of the individual users and do not necessarily represent those of Adfam. Adfam takes no responsibility for the quality of responses and comments made on the forum. 

Never share personal contact information

It is very important that no personal information is disclosed on this forum. The forum is a safe place, and sharing personal information, especially contact details, could potentially make the forum a target for people seeking to take advantage of its members. Even if you feel safe around someone, and think you could benefit from one to one conversations, please do not post contact details or ask somebody for theirs. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t share personal stories - the anonymity of the group should allow you to be as open as you are comfortable with without the need to initiate private communication.

Any posts containing contact information or other identifying information will be removed, and repeat posts may lead to your account being blocked.

Posts should relate to the experience of those affected by someone else’s substance use

Please remember that this forum is here to support people affected by somebody else’s substance use. Posts should related to experiences of someone else’s substance use.

Posts solely relating to personal experience of addiction will be removed. If you are looking for support regarding your own substance use, please call any of the following helplines:

Alcohol:

  • Drinkline: 0300 123 1110
  • Alcoholics Anonymous: 0800 9177 650

Drugs:

  • Frank: 0300 1236 600
  • Narcotics Anonymous: 0300 999 1212

Be respectful, supportive and non-judgmental

As everyone using this forum is aware, substance use and family relationships are very sensitive issues. It is important that forum users carefully consider their tone when posting. Always talk from your own experience, and never suggest that somebody else’s attitude or experience is wrong. Please do offer supportive advice, but do not insist that there is one way of doing something.

Posts will be removed if they contain

  • Personal attacks
  • Discriminatory comments
  • Misinformation
  • Links to illegal websites
  • Spam or links to websites promoting/selling anything

Please also be mindful of the original topic of each thread. Try to make sure that conversations are carried out on the relevant thread. This will help people to navigate the forum and find appropriate support, and it will also prevent certain issues from drowning out others.

Thank you very much for joining our forum. These guidelines are for the benefit of our community, and so any posts that do not adhere to all of these guidelines will be removed, and accounts may be blocked.

Share Your Story

1803 threads

9328 posts

view all

Partners cocaine habit by

Hi just looking for advice , so been with my partner 2 years have a son to previous relationship love my partner so much but cocaine has ruined him I never realised how much of a problem it really was till now mood swings temper but only with me but the blame is always put on something else he hasn’t seen his kids from previous relationship which I know is killing him and uses that as an excuse but I am the only person there to help him yet he disrespects me constantly goes out all night comes home early hours in morning dosent contact me I loose sleep worrying where he is and it happens on a daily basis I have talked many times and still it dosent get fixed relationship has got toxic now last straw he didn’t contack me in 12 hours came in at 6.00 in morning with friends coked off his face with whiskey as I was getting up for work and had to get my son up for school I have asked him to leave he won’t and apparently I’m being evil for doing this to him when he is going through such a hard time with his kids yet iv been by his side for so long I can’t take anymore I need to think of me and my son who thankfully dosent see any of this , I guess I know I’m doing right thing to get out of this I worry if something happens to him as he has no one else or do I try and get him help thanks

Theresa by

I don’t know what to do my son is in his mid 30’s and has lost his home his car and only goes to work to get money for cocaine. We bought him a small business and a car and told him to pay back what he can weekly. He’s not paid a penny back. We told him he could stay with us as long as he kept his space clean and didn’t smoke the really strong dope as it makes both my husband and I feel physically sick. He kept smoking it and my husband told him to find somewhere else to stay. That was a year ago and he’s came back saying he’s nowhere to go during lockdown. I am shielding and now he’s in our caravan in the garden not going to work borrowing money and saying he’s ill and can’t go to work. My husband has gave up and doesn’t speak to him and is angry at me for letting him stay in the caravan but I’m his mother and don’t know what else to do.

by JEM

90 posts

Lost,scared,angry and ready to throw in the towel.... by

This is my first time doing anything like this. Im generally a very quiet person and keep to myself but Im tired of holding it all in. I have been married to an opiate addict for 11 years, together for 14. Its been a roller coaster ride which includes 3 kids, 4 rehabs, copious amounts of lies, financial hardships due to drug use, and a current relapse. I feel so tired and empty and dont think i can keep getting on this ride. I have given my all. I have stood by him through all the rehabs, given him chance after chance to choose sobriety, yet here I am again. I feel so stupid for putting up with this and allowing the abuse and the gaslighting. Why do I put myself last everytime? I am scared to leave him because Im afraid of his reaction. Im afraid he will go off the deepend of try to take everything from me and my children just to spite me (he has threatended this in his past relapses). I think I stay because I feel like Im trying to protect everyone including him and all at my expense....Do you think addicts pick a partner who is softer and more empathic in nature? I just dont understand how I got here. I wish I was stronger and didnt fear losing everything and having to start over. I wish i didnt think with my heart as much as I do......Im sorry that this is a rant, Im just hoping someone out there has been through it and come out the otherside. I need some strength & support. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

by Kklost

19 posts

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

255 threads

1814 posts

view all

Anxiety and Panic Attacks after Codeine Withdrawal by

Hi, I'm new here. I've just completed a medically-supervised detox programme to get off codeine. I was taking huge amounts (up to 30-40 tablets a day) and had been taking them on and off for about ten years. It was only fairly recently that I started taking large amounts - to start with, I only took the prescribed dose from my doctor. I've managed to successfully quit and although the physical withdrawal symptoms were unpleasant, I got through it, with the help of Subutex. However, the mental withdrawal symptoms are nothing short of horrific and don't seem to be going away. Severe depression, severe anxiety, panic attacks, feeling frightened nearly all the time and a feeling of impending doom that I can't seem to control. Is this normal? Has anyone else been in this situation before? I can't help thinking that I felt better when I was on codeine, but I couldn't continue taking such huge amounts of it. I just want to feel better psychologically and I don't know how long these horrible side-effects will last.

by BT1978

7 posts

my journey with a crack addict by

Hi Guys, I found out a few months ago my boyfriend is taking crack (and to me, is an addict in denial). He has pawned stuff to get it... uses weekly... I've been on a STEEP learning curve and think I've done well to be where I am (all things considered). I don't write this for advice, but if anyone sees themselves in what I write, it may help them. I will make it as short as possible and simply give ... my journey. * Found out partner was on crack cocaine. In shock for a few weeks. * I trawled streets, tracked him down to drug flats, roamed the streets late at night, put myself in danger numerous times, confronted drug people.. * I tried anger, threats, demands, emotional blackmail... tears.. guilt... shame... nothing made him stop. * I stopped being angry. I stopped taking it personally. I started detatching myself from it. * I've had constant ups and downs - days I would contact him and beat myself up for being weak. Then I'd be strong for a week or so, and let him do what he wants to do. Then I'd worry he was dead or OD'd somewhere and contact him. It's a cycle. If I didn't contact him, he would contact me. My last low point my birthday. I'd spent £100's on this man. He couldn't even get me a present. When I think of the thousands he's spent on that crap. Eventually when he had a period of sobriety, he gave me a present and card... them lapsed a few days later. * I've confronted one guy who won't leave him alone. It causes a massive argument and I left. When my boyfriend used the evening, he blamed me and called me a 'F***ing C***.' So I am now on the end of his anger and abuse. I walked out (luckily we don't live together). I haven't contacted him since. I don't really know what stage I am at now. I don't even know if I can say we are together. I am a realistic. I expect the worse and he has never let me down so far - with his using and pathetic excuses and apologies. But I feel strong.. stronger every time.. until I hope to get the point where I walk away for good. I see nothing but misery and futility with an addict.. and wonder what others' experiences are. Thanks for reading x

Cocaine addiction by

Hi All, I’m an addict and I know it things are very different now. Always done coke since 18 now 38 never been a major issue what I classed as taking socially when I went down the pub and it’s stopped there but I had a break down about 18 month back as my business was going bust and I got addicted for best part of four month every day and sometimes all day in the end your not doing it to get high it was Just like wanting a cigarette scary place to be when you don’t see it coming. I’m over the worst but I can’t shake it off I’m still craving it every 3/4 days and it’s not social now it’s me sitting on my self which I know is very sad but it’s become the norm I even dream about it then wake up craving I don’t know what the next step is for recover. Any comments are welcome

Bereavement

6 threads

60 posts

view all

Lost husband to alcohol by

Hi all So glad I found this forum and hope my ramblings today will make sense to someone out there. I recently lost my husband to alcohol, and although he had other medical issues it was ultimately his drinking that killed him. Since his passing I have gone through many emotions, anger being the predominant one. Angry at him for giving in to it, angry at me for failing him, angry at medical professionals for failing him. Trust me, if I had a milkman I would probably find something to pin on him too. I dealt with his drinking for many years and have tried everything I could to get him to stop and/or seek help. He was getting help to be honest but in the end he thought he could handle it and paid the price. Right now I am very confused and wonder if he ever really cared for me and his family, yes he lied to me for years - part of the illness right? I trained myself to not take his lies, drinking, behaviour, personally but can't help but feel used and mistreated. Aside from myself and our children, none of his family were aware he had an issue and were stunned to find out after his death. I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping his secret but now I am questioning every decision I ever made Sorry for the ramblings, I just need to get these thoughts out and would be interested to know how others cope in a similar situation.

Recognising alcoholism by

I’m so fearful my partner will drink until he has pickled his liver and kidneys. He drinks a 10 pack of beer every day. The other day he also had a litre bottle of sherry. 2 weeks before that he drank an almost full bottle of Cointreau liqueur both as well as the beer. On the weekend, almost guaranteed within 15 mins of waking up he asks if we have any beer. He’s out of work at the moment so it’s me that is covering the cost. I know I must be stronger to protect my own finances as it’s so expensive. The other night at midnight he asked if I could go to the shop for more beer. I went mad and said it’s not unreasonable for me to say no and what sort of man sends their loving partner into the night to do that. His father was an alcoholic I understand and died at 39 when my partner was 9. So worried for him now and for myself. I know I can’t help him and he has to want to help himself. Reading your helpful posts where help has sadly not worked makes me want to try harder. But I’m also at the point where I cannot face living my life this way forever with this man. He’s also into coke and weed. I’m worried I’ll get home one day and find him in a bad way. Has anyone else been here?

I just lost my brother by

Hi all. My brother died earlier this year from alcoholism. He was only in his mid forties and we are all heartbroken. We tried to help him but he locked us out of the house and denied he had a problem. For the last year of his life I think he was drinking every day and after his death we found bottles of vodka in his home which he was obviously drinking neat. I'm having a lot of issues coming to terms with his death and i dont think I ever will. I am trying to understand this addiction that is more powerful than love and family, that drove my successful brother to self destruct. I also cannot understand his denial. How could he pretend that everything was ok when it was clearly not? I would love to hear your stories and if you can help me understand this disease I would be very grateful. Thank you

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.