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Talk about your experiences with others.

When it comes to a loved one's drug or alcohol use families can sometimes feel lost or struggle to express themselves. Our forum gives you the opportunity to share and discuss your feelings in a safe environment.

Please do not disclose any personal or contact information such as telephone numbers on this forum. Adfam will remove any such content. Please note that anything that raises a safe-guarding or confidentiality concern may be removed and acted upon.  

Please note this forum is specifically for families affected by someone else's substance use, and posts should relate to this narrative. Posts that don't relate may be removed by the moderator. This includes posts relating to someone's own substance use. 

Adfam takes no responsibility for the quality or content of the responses.

Share Your Story

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My story ! by

I was prescribed codeine many years ago for a back condition, it helped me cope with my life for many years. On Friday my world fell apart when my prescription wasn’t there at my local doctor surgery. I work in the medical profession as a mental health nurse, so know all the pros and cons of taking medication for a prolonged time, it’s been over ten years. At first panic set in but with no real way of getting the doses that I have come to rely on, I was forced to rethink my whole relationship with codeine. So today is my second day without this medication in my hand. Last night was awful with two hours sleep I can cope with everything that comes with withdrawal except the restless legs ... it sucks ! And my back pain is back, however not as bad as I thought it would be. I hope never to take this drug again ( I know relapse is a possibility) but really I want a life where I am not chasing my drs for prescriptions or worrying about codeine. This forum has really helped to keep me positive when I wanted to cry over the last two days. Reading stories of people going through this has shown me there is a life after codeine. I know this is not going to be an easy journey however one I need to take. It’s very scary stepping into a world without codeine to buffer me. I have never disclosed this to anyone but my partner who is supporting me greatly. My children now know who are all grown up and they to will aid me in this journey. I know I am extremely lucky to live the life I do with my family and career. It’s time now to feel the fear and do this anyway x

My struggle with codeine by

Hi. I have been struggling with codeine addiction since i was 18. I am now 32. I am currently on day 5 of going cold turkey. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with the bad sleeping, the complete lack of wanting to do anything and the low moods. Especially on a morning. I have to stick at this because i am in debt after spending thousands on these horrible tablets from online pharmacies but i am just struggling. I haven't told anyone at all so feel very alone right now. Thanks.

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

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I'm ending my relationship due to drinking by

Hi, I just need some support as although I know I'm doing the right thing for my family I feel guilty and I'm worried for my boyfriend, after a talk on monday he said he wouldnt drink in front of our daughter that he was having a few weeks off and he wouldnt drink again until a stag weekend at the beginning of Oct that me and our daughter were more important and he could see she was being distant with him (always coming to me because I'm the one that's always there, he's really loud when drinking so she's a bit scared as she thinks hes shouting she also doesnt like it when he smells of drink so avoids him plus he let's her down alot by saying hes going to take her places then just leaving me to take her because he'd rather sit at home drinking alone) anyway come Friday and my mum was looking after her so he came home from work with the usual excuses, shes not at home tonight, it's been a long week, I want to spend some time relaxing etc anyway I'm past caring so dont even bother arguing but again he sat up all night drinking when I got up at 9am on sat he was still drinking continued all day, i went out about 11 and returned at 3 he was still in the same spot in the same clothes drinking even though I'd asked him to sort some things while I was out just a few simple things like asking his ex if he could have his son next week for daughters birthday party and take the bin down but he done nothing, the drinking continued even after I picked up my daughter at 4.30 he then spent the rest of the night complaining that he was being ignored and he felt like the invisible man that she'd only cuddle him when he asked he refused to let her have her favourite things because she was being rude to him, when I said it because your drunk all I got was you blame everything on my drinking but it's true hes lost all his friends and family due to arguments hes started when drunk my family dont like him because the amount he drinks he doesnt get invited on work nights out because of his drinking the only person that doesnt see his drinking is a problem is him I've now decided I need to leave, i need to do what's best for my daughter I know it's going to be difficult to get him to leave and he'll fight me all the way it's going to be very stressful I also dont know where I stand with contact with lo as he will expect me just to hand her over but I dont want to leave her alone with him, i have videos of him passed out and a diary of the amount hes drank over the last month I want to insist on supervised contact until he can prove hes capable of being sober when he has her but I've no idea where to start I suppose what I'm asking for is some reassurance I'm doing the right thing and if anyone has any help or info regarding how to safeguard my daughter while still maintaining a relationship with her dad? I know it's not going to be easy but any advice to make it as painless as possible would be greatly appreciated thank you x

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Does cocaine make you more likely to be unfaithful? by

I don’t know if this is a silly question, but me and my husbands relationship has turned toxic, through the damage that his addiction has done. The lying about using, me throwing him out etc. I’ve caught him (usually when coming down) masterbating to porn, he says it’s bevause you just want something to do with your hands coz your up all night, but you can’t usuallly finish because of the coke. (TMI sorry! But he never used to really be into porn before his addiction began, I’ve heard coke makes you horny so I’m just wondering could that be enough to make you cheat if you wasn’t that sort of person sober. He says you still know what you’re doing and that your married etc, but he’s told other women that they are attractive etc which again is out of character but he says it’s more of an attention thing as he feels like crap and thinks it’s only a matter of time before I leave him.

by Vixen

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Lying husband by

I guess I'm probably not the only one on here who has issues with their alcoholic husband lying? We have been having issues since we had a baby last year, I grew up and he didnt and all the responsibility is on me. He was too drunk to take me to the hospital and then failed to bond with our baby. He then drank more and more, over 100 units a week, stopped working hard and created lots of financial issues. I had a good career but childcare is so expensive and I always dreamt of being a stay at home mum. And the house we live in is my house, I've worked really hard to get to the position I am in now but my husband has thrown away our financial security to drink. The lies just hurt so much. He bare face lies about drinking, I catch him in the pub when he claims to be at work. I think the worst bit is he's trying to squash me and my spirit so I don't challenge him over his drinking. I feel taken advantage of, like it was OK for me to be confident and successful when he got to enjoy the security I've worked for but as soon as I'm reliant on him it all changes. He doesn't treat me very nicely, acts like he is completely indifferent to me, doesn't give me any emotional support. I feel like he's trying to break me down as a person, like he wants to make me a doormat so he can carry on drinking. He loves our child, but not enough to stop drinking. We have split up over it, I've thrown him out, he's promised to quit and then I just catch him out lying again. He only accepts he has a problem occasionally, other times he tries to say I'm over reacting or that it's just a bad habit he has got into. I'm not even sure what I am posting for, I just want to know somebody, somewhere understands. How do you cope with the lies? When do you say enough is enough? And if they lie about drinking, do they lie about everything else?

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Bereavement

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My husband died by

I'm struggling with feelings following the death of my husband last month. He was in his mid-40s, and a highly intelligent, very successful businessman. He was also a cocaine addict, but no one knew unless he told them. He had periods of abstinence followed by what he called a relapse, which was a drug binge. During this time he would disappear away from home and be uncontactable, spending hundreds and sometimes thousands of pounds. In the last year of his life, this all increased in frequency. The last six months were particularly bad. After his death, I found out that since January he'd been using at least once a week on average, and was ordering quantities of anywhere between 2g and 5g. He would just this in one night over the course of a few hours. On the night he died, he had disappeared on a binge, but I didn't know this until the following day. He had ordered 2g which he had taken over two hours, and then a couple of hours later he was walking it off in town when he literally dropped dead in the street. Since he died I've found out a lot about his use, about where he was getting money etc and I am finding it hard to process. Our relationship had deteriorated because he was always snappy and in a bad mood, and it felt like he had completely disconnected from me. He barely wanted to spend any time with me at all, and always prioritised anything else to the point we spent very little time together at all. I wanted it to be different, but he didn't. Having looked through his phone in the last month, it seems he had an awful lot of contact with prostitutes, who he paid to get the drugs for him. He was making arrangements with them once or twice a week to get the drugs, would take it while they were there and then leave. On his phone was a video of one of these sessions, and it was really upsetting. I looked after the money (at his request) so it was hard for him to get hold of it, but I've now discovered he spent one of his children's savings as unknown to me he had access to it. I have also found that he was searching for pawn shops, and many of his possessions have gone missing, including gifts I bought him (even his wedding present from me). He has left us with nothing - because of his addiction he could not get life insurance, and we are about to lose our home. I feel sad, betrayed and angry, even though I know the addiction had taken over in the end and it wasn't really *him*. The him before the addiction was the kindest, most generous, gentle person you could ever meet. He worked tirelessly for his family and always put others first. I am stunned he could have been so unfaithful so many times, and devastated that he died in the street far from home. I'm not sure how to reconcile all these conflicting feelings.

Lost husband to alcohol by

Hi all So glad I found this forum and hope my ramblings today will make sense to someone out there. I recently lost my husband to alcohol, and although he had other medical issues it was ultimately his drinking that killed him. Since his passing I have gone through many emotions, anger being the predominant one. Angry at him for giving in to it, angry at me for failing him, angry at medical professionals for failing him. Trust me, if I had a milkman I would probably find something to pin on him too. I dealt with his drinking for many years and have tried everything I could to get him to stop and/or seek help. He was getting help to be honest but in the end he thought he could handle it and paid the price. Right now I am very confused and wonder if he ever really cared for me and his family, yes he lied to me for years - part of the illness right? I trained myself to not take his lies, drinking, behaviour, personally but can't help but feel used and mistreated. Aside from myself and our children, none of his family were aware he had an issue and were stunned to find out after his death. I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping his secret but now I am questioning every decision I ever made Sorry for the ramblings, I just need to get these thoughts out and would be interested to know how others cope in a similar situation.

I just lost my brother by

Hi all. My brother died earlier this year from alcoholism. He was only in his mid forties and we are all heartbroken. We tried to help him but he locked us out of the house and denied he had a problem. For the last year of his life I think he was drinking every day and after his death we found bottles of vodka in his home which he was obviously drinking neat. I'm having a lot of issues coming to terms with his death and i dont think I ever will. I am trying to understand this addiction that is more powerful than love and family, that drove my successful brother to self destruct. I also cannot understand his denial. How could he pretend that everything was ok when it was clearly not? I would love to hear your stories and if you can help me understand this disease I would be very grateful. Thank you