Is leaving my alcoholic partner the answer?
by
Hi everyone, looking for some advice as I'm feeling increasingly hopeless as the days go on and I feel like I'm stuck in a situation which is never going to end.
I've been with my partner for nearly 10 years. He's always enjoyed drinking and seemingly had a high tolerance for it, but over the past few years we've had multiple arguments when I've believed he's been drinking too much. He's always dismissed it and said that I'm being over the top.
He's suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time now, probably his entire life, but has never sought proper help with it. He doesn't like the idea of taking medication and believes that the anxiety and depression can be cured by sorting out certain elements of his life (job, etc.).
In May last year, he went through a major depressive period and started drinking more and more. Some horrific things were revealed about his past and long story short he ended up in hospital and going through detox in June. He didn't drink for six months but said in December that he wanted to start drinking again and believed that it wouldn't be a problem for him and he'd never drink dangerously again.
However, since December his job has become increasingly more stressful and he's been feeling like his life isn't going anywhere so he's started drinking more and more again. 3 weeks ago, his anxiety peaked and he didn't feel able to work and he's been off sick ever since. Over this time, his drinking has increased more, despite him trying to reduce the amount he's having each day. I've threatened to leave on multiple occasions during this time as it feels like he's not even trying and is giving in every time he wants a drink. I never follow through on my threats though because I worry that if I leave then he'll end up taking his own life or drinking himself to death.
On Saturday I had to call an ambulance because he'd drunk so much that his was floppy and incoherent and I was worried that there was something seriously wrong with him. He was taken to hospital and stayed there overnight, got given some Librium, but couldn't stay in hospital because the thought of being in there scares him with the germs and Covid.
He planned to taper again, slowly reducing the amount he was having. I didn't want to get close to him again and trust that things would change this time, because I knew that it would make it more difficult if he messed up and I wanted to leave. So that brings us to today, where the amount that he's had has increased from yesterday and he's unable to get through the day without drinking more.
I don't know what to do. Apart from the drinking, he's a wonderful person. But I feel like a mug for staying when it feels like he's not trying and is giving into temptation every time he feels like he needs another drink. If I leave then I feel like he'll just think 'screw it' and drink loads, then be back in a worse position than he's in at the moment. Would leaving him work? Would it give him the wake up call to change? Am I a fool for staying with him? He wants to change but just doesn't seem capable of it.
Sorry that this has become a massive ramble. I just feel like I'm all out of ideas and it's harming me now too. I feel like I'm just sitting back and letting him get on with it, but what else can I do to help him?
